ANGEL

By Morticia

46- 48/60

Part 46

TOM

I came to with a start, sitting up so quickly that the various members of my father’s crew who were hovering over my bed leapt back in astonishment.

"Where are we?" I gasped

"You’re on the USS HPTS, Tom, we’re taking you back to Earth" a voice soothed

"I mean where the FUCK are we in space you moron? And what the hell kind of name is HPTS anyway?" I snapped, swinging my legs off the bed and jumping to my feet. I swayed a little, admittedly, but I was so infused with my new enthusiasm that I wasn’t going to let a little dizziness put me off.

The ensign gaped at me, opening and closing his mouth wordlessly in surprise at my apparent return from the dead.

"Okay," I said "Just tell me how far we are from Deep Space 9"

"Um, well, that is we are about 12 hours away at warp 6" the ensign muttered

I was momentarily surprised by the answer and then I realised that we had taken a roughly parallel course with Voyager, only at a slight tangent since we were aiming directly for Earth, therefore if we turned around now we would arrive only a few hours behind her.

"Take me to the bridge" I ordered, and the young ensign blanched but responded automatically to an order from a Paris and led me meekly to the bridge.

As I emerged from the turbolift, the entire bridge crew did a double take.

"Lieutenant Paris," the Captain acknowledged after he had managed to close his jaw "I had been informed that you were – um -‘indisposed’"

"The reports of my imminent demise were no doubt greatly exaggerated, Captain" I grinned "Tell me, what did the Admiral say when you reported my illness?"

The stocky Captain turned puce. " Well, ahem, well we, that is I didn’t, well I"

"Didn’t tell him" I finished smoothly.

I had been banking on the fact that the crew would have been too terrified to let my father know I was so ill. Since this was my father’s private yacht it would be crewed by low-ranking subordinates who couldn’t get posted onto proper military vessels. I was sure that even the Captain would be easy to intimidate.

"Well, ahem, No, but then it’s just as well isn’t it? I mean since you look so hale and hearty now!" The Captain said with a weak smile

Since I knew that I still looked and felt like an animated skeleton I had to admire his nerve.

"I don’t want to cause you undue concern, Captain but my ‘indisposition’ was a symptom of an ongoing condition. It appears that I left my medication on Voyager in my haste to depart. Unless we head for DS9 now, I’m sure that a relapse will be inevitable" I lied

"But my orders are to escort you to Earth without delay" he spluttered

"Not much point delivering a corpse, Captain. I don’t think that my father would be very pleased. I’m sorry to inconvenience you but we will simply have to turn around and go to DS9. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to have to explain to my father that you were only 12 hours away from fetching my medicine and you didn’t do it."

"Nobody told me you were ‘medically’ ill" The Captain muttered furiously

"What do you expect after all these years in the Delta Quadrant? Of course we all picked up some viruses. In fact, come to think of it, it would probably be a good idea for all of your crew to get immunized. Who knows what I might transmit to you in the next few days, in fact, you could all be infected now. I must admit you look a little feverish, Captain."

The Captain mopped at his brow, which had definitely begun to glisten as my words sank in.

"Delta Quadrant viruses, hey?" he muttered nervously

"No natural immunity, Captain, it’s amazing any of us survived as long as we did. Of course we had a sickbay. As I understand, there isn’t a doctor on the USS HPTS is there?" I asked smiling sweetly

"Ensign J’harm’n, set course for DS9, Warp 8" The Captain snapped, looking at me as though I carried the plague.

With a wide grin of thanks I offered my hand to the Captain, he pretended not to see it and shuffled back a few paces until he was out of my reach.

"Perhaps I should return to my quarters until we arrive." I murmured

"Yes, yes lad, do that, have a lie down, leave us to get you to DS9" the Captain muttered, desperate to get me off the bridge.

"Thank you, Sir, you won’t regret this" I said blithely.

At least not until my father found out, I thought, with a pang of guilt, but then again, they would hardly have turned around if I had told them the truth, would they?

CHAKOTAY

It took hours for the crew to disembark from Voyager. One by one we were processed through a petty bureaucratical system of identification, debriefing and assignment of temporary quarters.

Surprisingly, the notification of the Maquis crewmembers’ pardons turned out to be true, even if the Starfleet officials assigned to the task gave them to us with an attitude of great reluctance.

Personally I was initially treated with a modicum of respect but as soon as I made it clear that I had no intention of remaining in Starfleet, I found myself unceremoniously dumped in the queue with the rest of the crew.

I noticed that Kathryn and Tuvok were swept past the queue like a pair of visiting dignitaries, and taken to a no doubt rapturous heroes welcome. The rest of us were processed like so many illegal immigrants, our belongings searched and samples of our DNA taken for identification.

It was a sobering experience.

I was glad that I was there to keep the tempers of the crew in check as we went through this humiliating process and I was furious that Kathryn had abandoned us to the wolves without even a backwards glance.

I saw Neelix hustled away by some officials and was concerned enough to try and follow but two grim security guards prevented me following and I was too aware of my role as protector of the others to risk an incident right then.

Even the original Starfleet crew were forced through a ritual of reaffirming their original loyalties and pledging their ongoing allegiance to Starfleet before they were allowed to pass onto the station.

Despite my intense sorrow at the deaths of B’Elanna and Seven, I was glad that they were spared the harrowing ordeal. B’Elanna’s temper and Seven’s insecurity would not have coped well with the situation.

In my capacity as leader, I felt constrained to wait until every last member of Voyager’s crew had been released before venturing onto DS9 to find Angel, who had been passed through freely as soon as we disembarked.

The atmosphere on the other side of the docking bay doors was so different that it was overwhelming. The promenade was thronged with welcoming civilians. Dozens of Bajorans had come aboard to specifically welcome the ex-Maquis. Even the military personal wore huge smiles and were friendly and helpful.

Of course, the presence of several news crews with live vid-cams probably had a lot to do with the change in attitude from the officials.

Despite the petty way in which Starfleet had taken the private opportunity to humiliate us, public opinion on the heroic return of Voyager had obviously tied their hands. My crew was therefore safe. Which meant I could now depart for Earth.

"Commander Chakotay! What an honor to meet you again!"

I spun in surprise at the familiar sarcastic voice and my heart sank.

"Commodore Benson." I acknowledged tightly

"Well as I live and breathe, I never expected to see you in a Starfleet uniform again, Chakotay, not after the way you left us, must be hard to find good crew in the Delta Quadrant."

Since I clearly remembered removing two of his front teeth during my resignation speech, I thought his comment was pretty mild

"I see that orthodontists have been doing a cracking trade in my absence," I said mildly

"If I had my way you’d" Benson started only to jump as a news-cam got thrust in his face, "You’d get a medal, Commander" he ad-libbed furiously and I had to smile. He had always been quick on his feet. After all, on our last meeting I had been intending to punch him in the nose as I recalled.

"You’re too kind, Commodore" I replied smoothly "I can’t wait for the opportunity to catch up with where we left off!" and I turned away towards the promenade.

It took forever to wend my way through the throng. Over and over I had my hands grabbed and shaken as various members of my old crew dragged their families to greet me. It was unbelievable how many people had managed to arrive in time to meet us. Though to be honest, most of the Maquis originated from nearby worlds in the DM zone. Most of the Starfleet crewmembers would have to wait several more days to be reunited with their families

Which of course reminded me that Tom was already more than halfway to Earth by now. I was frantic to catch him before he actually reached Earth. Once his father had him in his clutches, who knew when I might see him again?

Unless we departed immediately I knew there was no chance of doing so, but I couldn’t find Angel anywhere. There was no point in taking any other ship since only Angel’s was fast enough for us to get a chance to catch up with the USS HPTS.

After several fruitless hours, I finally gave up my search and went to the temporary quarters that had been assigned to me. I took a shower and changed into civilian clothes.

At last Angel arrived, looking flustered and angry.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I snapped by way of greeting

He just blinked at my tone and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"They won’t let us depart yet!" He griped "I’ve spent the last six hours trying to get my ship released from Voyager’s shuttle bay but they won’t have it."

"Bastards, I’ll sort it out…" I growled, heading for the comm unit

Angel restrained me with a gentle hand on my arm.

"Don’t Chak. I’ve finally managed to get them to talk reasonably to me. They are trying to resolve the problem. If you go in guns blazing you’ll just put their backs up."

"So when WILL they release your ship?"

"Reading between the lines, I think they are just making sure that you attend the party tonight. It would be bad publicity for them if you raced off before the "Welcome Home" speech. Since it’s being broadcast live!" Angel grinned wryly

"What bloody party?"

"The whole crew are going to be in a place called "Quarks", only I gather it isn’t really big enough so they’ve spent the last three days knocking down walls." Angel laughed "They don’t want the guest of honor escaping after all their effort."

"The guest of honor will be Kathryn Janeway. The only reason they want me there is to parade on her leash, so she can say ‘Look at my tamed Maquis wolf! Aren’t I clever!’"

"I thought you liked the Captain." Angel murmured in surprise

"Oddly enough, I did once." I replied "But either she’s changed or I never really saw her clearly before."

"So you’ll attend the party?"

"I don’t seem to have any choice, do I?"

"Better get dressed then."

"I am dressed"

"I meant in your uniform, Chakotay."

"I don’t have a uniform, Angel. We’re home."

"But I – I thought they’d offered to re-instate your commission." Angel said in bewilderment

I looked at him suspiciously. How the hell had he known?

"I declined, only I didn’t know it was general knowledge" I replied shortly, as a little voice in my head began to insistently whisper that maybe the source of Angel’s information was the same person who had conveniently impounded his ship.

"Oh, someone mentioned it when I was trying to get my ship released" Angel replied, flushing slightly.

"We are going after Tom" I stated firmly, watching his face closely for his response.

"Of course we are, Chakotay" Angel replied with such innocent surprise that I felt ashamed of my doubts.

"Let’s go to this bloody party, then. The sooner we get there, the faster we’ll be able to escape" I said firmly

"Sure, Chak. All you have to do is look relaxed and happy, and glad to be back. I’m sure they’ll let us leave as soon as the speeches are over" Angel replied soothingly.

As I followed him to "Quark’s" I knew that he was probably right, however, as I figured it, there was now no way in hell to catch up with Tom before he disembarked. I was not naïve enough to imagine that it was co-incidence, however it was probably completely unfair of me to blame Angel.

It was more likely that Admiral Owen Paris had engineered the delay, probably assisted by Kathryn and Tuvok.

If only my father’s advice had been more practical. It was all very well him telling me that Tom was my soulmate. It would have been a hell of a lot more helpful if he had told me how to do something about it.

TOM

It was only as we got within communications range of DS9 that I realised that my plan had far too many holes in it.

All it would take would be a message from the Captain of the USS HPTS to the officials on DS9 and he would discover that the only medical condition that I suffered from was a broken heart.

Somehow I had to beam myself onto DS9 before he spoke to security. I was uncertain how well DS9 was protected but in view of the recent War with the Dominion, I was sure that an unauthorized transport would be impossible.

My only hope of getting off my father’s ship and onto DS9 without being immediately apprehended was if I had help from inside. My old friend Julian Bashir was posted as a doctor there. It would seem perfectly natural for me to put in a call to DS9’s Sickbay and perhaps my call would convince the Captain that my story was genuine. At least for long enough for me to beam off. I knew that the panic I had inspired in him about the mythical virus would mean he would soon be contacting officials to inquire about immunizations and then my deception would be revealed.

I called the bridge from my Conn. unit and requested a person to person communication with Doctor Bashir.

"Of course, Lieutenant" The Captain replied "Um, are you feeling unwell again?"

"I think that it would be a good idea, for the safety of your crew, if I was beamed direct to DS9’s Sickbay." I replied smoothly, "Just to be on the safe side"

"Oh, of course, I’ll contact DS9 immediately"

"It’s better if I speak to Dr Bashir myself, he’ll need to know my symptoms so he can prepare."

I held my breath as I waited for the Captain’s reply.

"I’ll put the call straight through to your Conn unit then" He finally decided.

A few minutes later Julian’s surprised face filled the screen.

"Tom Paris! My god. You look like death warmed over!" he spluttered

"Thanks, Jules. I love you too!" I grinned

"What are you doing here? I was told you had gone straight home."

"It’s a long story. I need a favour Jules, a huge one."

"Anything" he replied generously

"You need to authorise me beaming aboard as a medical emergency"

"Well, that wouldn’t be hard to pull off since you look dead already" Julian laughed gently but his brown eyes were filled with genuine concern.

"Only there’ll be people coming after me almost immediately, I think. I need to get away from sickbay as soon as possible and I’ll need you to pretend I’m still there for as long as you can manage it."

"What have you done this time, Tom?" Julian asked sadly

"I’ve fallen in love with someone."

"Well that’s not a crime!" He spluttered in surprise

"That’s what YOU think, Jules and if I don’t get to him now, I might lose him forever."

"Him?" Jules asked in astonishment and then a wry grin crept over his face "Hell, Tom, if I’d known you were into guys I’d have snapped you up myself back in the academy!"

"Will you help me?"

"Will I get court martialled for this?"

"Probably"

He looked at me pensively for a few minutes and then grinned

"Shit, won’t be the first time. Okay Tom, I’ll set it up. Get to the transporter room."

"Oh, Jules, find out where Chakotay is for me so I can hit the ground running."

"Chakotay? The big Maquis with the gorgeous ass?"

"Yeah, and it’s my ass, Jules, so hands off" I grinned back

Julian smirked wickedly and switched off.

As I made my painful way to the transporter room I realised that "hit the ground limping" would be a more apt description.

Part 47

CHAKOTAY

The whole crew of Voyager seemed to be crammed into "Quarks" along with the staff of DS9, several news crews and seemingly half of the population of the de-militarized zone.

Angel kept tightly to my side as we pushed through the throng and I was aware of the benefits of his large presence, even as I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the possessive way he kept an arm slung around my shoulders.

When we finally reached the podium at the front of the crowd, where Janeway and Tuvok were holding court in front of several Starfleet Officials and an adoring audience, I turned to Angel and hissed at him to let go of me.

He ignored me, if anything squeezing me tighter to his powerful body.

"We have to look happy and relaxed together, Chak" He whispered quietly, "If they realise that you intend to go chasing after Tom, who knows when I’ll get my ship back?"

"So I’m supposed to let you cuddle me all evening to make everybody think I’m enough of a bastard to have forgotten him already?" I snarled incredulously

"That’s not very kind of you, Chakotay." Angel replied sadly "I don’t deserve your abuse. You have no idea how painful this is for me, pretending everything is all right between us when I know you can’t wait to get back to Tom."

I was ashamed of myself. Angel was right. This had to be far more painful for him than it was for me. HE was the victim in this, not me.

"I’m sorry" I murmured "You’re right. I AM grateful"

"Then let’s get this show on the road" Angel replied and swinging me around to face him he gave me a huge kiss, right in front of the entire crowd.

I was torn between the urge to push him away and the knowledge that we were being watched, and to be honest, there was also a part of me that responded to him. I may have decided in my head and heart that my future lay with Tom, but the rest of my body hadn't quite caught up with the realisation yet.

So I let the kiss continue until my heart was racing and my knees were weak and my erection was burrowing into Angel’s thigh and all I could think was how much I was going to miss him, although not one part of me regretted the choice that I had made.

I kissed him in the knowledge that our relationship was over and I would never touch him again. Unfortunately only a telepath would have been aware of my thoughts, since my actions were so contrary.

I slowly became aware of the sudden and complete silence in the crowded room. Thinking that we were the focus of the attention, I pushed Angel away in embarrassment and looked sheepishly at the Captain.

She wasn’t looking at me, however. Her face had gone quite pale with shock and she was looking down the room towards the door. The whole crowd had turned to follow her shocked gaze and had formed a natural parting in the room through which I could clearly see the cause of the silence.

I staggered in confusion. In the doorway of Quarks stood Tom.

Unbelievably he was even thinner. He swayed like a skeleton in the doorway, his eyes burning brightly with an insane fury, his cheeks stained red with passion in a horrible contrast to his white face.

"You bastard!" He hissed quietly, but in the deadly quiet room it sounded like a shout.

I could feel the panic overwhelming me as I realised that he had obviously, unbelievably, come back for me, only to find me in Angel’s arms again. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

He began to limp up the room towards me, the crowd opening up to allow his passage, their faces bright with gleeful anticipation.

"Tom – I – " I said, trying desperately to find the words to explain my behavior

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, CHAK" Tom snapped at me and I froze in confusion as he walked right past my pleading outstretched hands and up to Angel.

"You BASTARD!" Tom howled and with a strength and fury that belied his skeletal frame he swung a roundhouse punch straight into Angel’s jaw.

As Angel collapsed to his knees in agony, I grabbed at Tom but he shook my hands off with a quick furious twist of his bony shoulders

"Tom!" I begged, only to stop in confusion as he flashed his furious face in my direction.

"I told you to shut the fuck up, didn’t I?" He snarled at me, his pupils so huge that his eyes were an almost solid black.

For a moment I actually believed that it wasn’t Tom in front of me, it was some vengeful spirit, and yet it WAS Tom too. I actually felt reality shifting around me and for a moment I was back in the clearing in my dream forest, watching the beating wings of a fierce raptor as it swooped down on its prey and then I shook my head and was back in Quarks and it was just Tom who was beating his fists against Angel’s head as he cowered on the floor.

Firmly this time I grabbed Tom’s shoulders and pulled him tightly back against me. For a second he struggled with an almost super-human strength and then he sagged bonelessly in my arms.

As a couple of people rushed to help Angel to his feet, I could feel Tom’s heart pounding furiously in his emaciated frame, my heart was thumping in sympathetic rhythm.

Angel wiped at his split lip with the back of his hand, and looked warily at Tom but hovered safely out of reach.

"What the hell do you think you are doing, Lieutenant?" Kathryn’s voice rang out over the crowd as she marched towards us, her diminutive frame actually quivering in fury.

It was only as she came face to face with Tom that she remembered the whirling cameras that were filming the whole scenario.

"You are supposed to be on your way to Earth, Tom. " She said in a kinder voice, "to a hospital where the doctors can make you feel better" she added for the benefit of the audience and all around me I heard murmurs as people decided that Tom was obviously mad.

I stiffened in fury but before I could speak, Tom replied in a dry humorous voice.

"I forgot something"

Kathryn smiled sweetly for the cameras

"What did you forget Tom?" she asked in the tone of voice that she normally reserved for Naomi.

"My husband!" He snapped

"Chakotay is not your husband, Tom, you’re very confused right now, why don’t we go and discuss this somewhere quieter?" She said kindly, frantically signaling behind her back for help.

I was already speechless, and when Tom suddenly snarled "Say I do" I just gulped in confusion so he swung his bony elbow fiercly into my gut.

"Say I do" He demanded again and as I gasped for breath I finally understood what he was saying

"I DO," I shouted out and the crowd milled in confusion but Kathryn’s bright eyes flashed in sudden understanding

"Too late" she hissed as Tuvok approached with Commodore Benson and a couple of large security guards.

"No it’s not, Captain" Harry piped up out of nowhere, "The ceremony was complete except for those two words. Now he’s said them in front of you and everyone. They’re married." He said bravely "oh and congratulations" he said to us over his shoulder as he moved in between the advancing guards and us.

"Ensign, get out of the way. Lieutenant Paris is obviously ill; we are just trying to get him the help he needs. Don’t ruin your own career."

As the guards began to push Harry out of the way, Tom sagged in my arms, having evidently achieved what he wanted; he lost his battle against his exhaustion.

Realising that we would have to fight our way out of the room, I thrust Tom into Angel’s arms

"Quick, Angel, get him out of here" I begged

Angel swung Tom’s limp body up easily into his arms and met my eyes sadly and in that instant I knew what he meant to do.

"NOOOOO" I yelled and jumped forwards, but too late. Angel moved quickly behind Kathryn and Harry and handed Tom to Tuvok before turning back to meet me.

"I’m sorry Chak." He murmured

"You FUCKER" I screamed and the roundhouse that I gave him didn’t just put him on his knees, it knocked him to the floor unconscious.

All around me I could see my old Maquis crew rallying to my help. Harry had been knocked to the floor by one of the security guards so had taken the opportunity to wrap himself around Tuvok’s ankles. The Vulcan was trying to hold Tom in one hand and batter Harry off with the other.

I ran forwards to help him only to be knocked to my knees by a blow to my temple. I looked up in a daze and saw my attacker was Benson.

"I’ve waited a long time to do that!" He hissed with a vicious grin and kicked savagely at my ribs.

I grabbed his foot before it connected and yanked. He landed with a crash on his butt, howling with such pain that I figured he had fractured his coccyx.

"Yeah? Well I’ve waited a long time for this!" I smirked and punched him in the face. As his nose broke, my face was splattered with blood and I licked at the coppery taste. It seemed to awake some primal instinct in me.

I leapt to my feet with a howl and launched myself at Tuvok. Harry was still hanging on for grim death and my Maquis had stopped any more guards coming to Tuvok’s rescue. The density of the crowd was preventing re-enforcements from being beamed in.

I hadn’t the faintest idea of how Tom and I could get away, but at that moment, all I could think about was getting Tom back into my own arms.

I wrestled with Tuvok for Tom’s unconscious body. His strong Vulcan arms refused to let Tom go.

"I am stronger than you Commander" Tuvok said unemotionally "you can’t beat me in a fight."

He was right; I couldn’t beat him in a fair fight. So, I stopped trying to wrestle him for Tom and broke his nose instead.

Tuvok gave a decent impression of emotion as he dropped Tom and howled in agony.

Grabbing Tom before he hit the floor I turned like a cornered animal and sought desperately for an avenue of escape. It was hopeless. I was completely surrounded by two hundred people having an all out battle amongst themselves.

As I hesitated, I was almost knocked to my knees as a furious body hurled itself onto my back, kicking and punching. A hand grabbed my hair and pulled sharply then snaked around my head to gouge at my eyes.

I had no option but to drop Tom and struggle with my attacker. Reaching my hand around my back I hauled the figure off, only to let it go in amazement. It was Kathryn.

She reached for her phaser and I chopped at her hand viciously, knocking the phaser to the floor.

"Get out of my way, Captain" I hissed

"NO" She spat.

I raised my hand but she barely flinched

"I know you too well, Chakotay. You’d NEVER hit a woman!" She spat in triumph.

She was right; of course, I had never even struck Seska. Of course I had killed women, when there had been no other choice, but actually punching one was against everything I believed in

"Give it up, Chakotay. There’s nowhere to run!" She smiled smugly.

So I hit her.

And actually, it felt pretty good after all.

I stepped over her unconscious body and reached down for Tom. The fall had woken him up and he was looking around in dazed sorrow as the hopelessness of our situation sank in. I gathered him into my arms and hugged him to me in the eye of the storm.

The fighting was beginning to peter out; DS9 security was starting to break through the crowds. We only had seconds before we were ripped apart, me to a jail, Tom to a mental hospital.

"I’m so sorry babe" I whispered

"Shush." He replied, "I love you, we’re together. Nothing else matters."

That’s when he handed me the knife.

I looked down in disbelief at the long ceremonial blade.

"How the hell did you get this?" I gasped

"It doesn’t matter, Chak. Nothing matters. Just us. Together. Forever."

I looked into his tear-filled eyes and I nodded.

"Just us. Forever, my beloved" I whispered and pulled him tightly towards me so that our hearts were beating together and pulled my arm back to strike the blow.

I heard screams from the crowd, as they understood my intention and a pounding of feet as the security guards raced through.

"Goodbye my chiya" I whispered

And that was when I felt the transporter beam catch us both and we materialised in Angel’s ship in front of the grinning eyes of Neelix and the Doctor.

Their smiles faltered at the sight of the knife. I let it clatter to the floor and pushed Tom into a seat.

"Wha-?" he said in blinking confusion. He had closed his eyes in anticipation of the knife’s blow and was completely disorientated by our miracle escape.

"Later babe," I murmured "We’ve got to get the fuck out of here first."

"I started her up" Neelix said " But I couldn’t figure out how to get the cargo bay doors open"

"That’s easy" I replied, and raising shields I launched a torpedo which blasted us a hole right out into space

"Let’s blow this joint" Tom urged

I was unfamiliar with the phrase, but looking into my husband’s grinning face I had little doubt of his meaning.

"Sure, Babe, anything you say." I grinned back and engaged forward thrusters.

Part 48 

Jacqueline Paris

When Owen told us the news of Voyager’s return it was as though a light was suddenly switched on in our dreary gloomy house. A light that had been dimmed for years.

I had never truly forgiven Owen for the way he arbitrarily dismissed Tom from our house and from our lives. For the sake of the girls I had outwardly supported the decision, I understood that Owen was concerned that their own budding Starfleet careers would be tarnished by Tom’s misdemeanors and that would have been so unfair to Elisabeth and Jeanette.

The girls had always been the epitome of good behavior. Their complacent obedience had always cast Tom’s reckless spirit deeper into the shadows. We had three beautiful children, blonde blue-eyed angels, but sometimes it seemed that the very devil himself was in Tom.

Only, to be honest, Tom had always been the favourite of my children. I always preferred his lack of reverence, his joi de vivre, and his impish naughtiness. Tom wasn’t BAD; he just couldn’t manage to be GOOD. On so many occasions he tried so hard for Owen’s approval, but he always failed to live up to my husband’s standards in some crucial way, and eventually, unsurprisingly, he stopped trying.

And deep inside myself, where I still jealously hoarded memories of my own wild and flighty childhood before I had married a Paris and learnt the terrible weight of respectability, I cheered and applauded his defiance. His refusal to become a bland imitation of his father brought Tom heartache and sadness, but I saw it as a strength that was lacking in the girls, and in me by that time, to be honest.

Owen paraded we three women in public like Dresden dolls, perfectly groomed, and perfectly behaved. Tom was never invited to those events. Owen had long given up on Tom as an asset to his political ambition, years before the accident at Caldik Prime.

Even after Tom was thrown out of our lives, we all kowtowed to the Paris commandment "Thou shalt not disappoint the Admiral". It was not until Tom was caught flying for the Maquis and imprisoned that the sparks of defiance finally caught flame in my heart.

I couldn’t believe that Owen would stand by and let our only son be condemned as a criminal and sent to Auckland, especially since I knew that Owen had a secret sympathy for the Maquis cause. I begged and pleaded with him for compassion but he was as unmovable as stone.

I actually hated him then. I had never approved of his treatment of Tom but never had the bravery to defy him before. Hatred gave me the courage.

It took many months of maneuvering, and the help of both Elisabeth and Jeanette, who were both working at Starfleet HQ by then, before I managed to bypass Owen’s own security and I made contact with Kathryn Janeway.

Jeanette had told me of a Maquis ship that had been lost in the badlands with an undercover operative on board. She had learnt of the plan to send a prototype starship after the missing vessel and that Kathryn was to be given the Captaincy.

Kathryn and I had become acquainted when she had served with Owen on the Al Betani. I had needed her support and understanding after Owen’s experiences with the Cardassians. He had come home bitter and disillusioned with Starfleet. He had objected strenuously to the Treaty agreement and had privately applauded the Maquis.

It was my suggestion that Tom should be used to help find the missing ship. Kathryn was unreceptive to the suggestion. I think she realised that I didn’t truly believe that Tom could help her, that I just wanted to get him out of that prison. But, to my surprise, Tom was assigned to Voyager and left for the badlands.

When Voyager was immediately lost with all hands I had been devastated. I had been too shell-shocked by the terrible news to grasp the fact that Owen had also been destroyed by Tom’s death. We both blundered around the house like pale ghosts for months, barely acknowledging each other’s presence, rarely speaking, never sharing our pain.

Then we received news that Voyager had survived but that she was in the Delta Quadrant and wouldn’t return in our lifetime. I was overjoyed, not only by the fact that Tom had survived but also by the knowledge that he would never again be jailed. Whatever dangers he might face out there, he was free and that was something worth celebrating.

So Jeanette, Elisabeth and I shared a rapturous, drunken evening exchanging tales and anecdotes of Tom, laughing and crying, both celebrating his freedom and mourning his loss.

When Owen had finally come home and walked in on us, his face was a picture of outrage. He had hurled abuse at our behavior and in our giddy grief we had just laughed at him. And instead of erupting in his usual fury, he had sunk down on a chair and cried, collapsing in on himself like a deflated balloon and he finally confessed to us that it had been HIS decision that had put Tom on Voyager. It turned out that Kathryn had gone straight from me and told him everything, only instead of him forbidding Tom’s ‘escape’ as she had obviously expected, he had ordered that it be so.

Looking back, I realise that Owen must have been regretting his treatment of Tom for years. Age had mellowed him. He regretted his harsh disciplinarian treatment of Tom, his rigid unyielding pressure that had so terrified our son that he had lied about a simple accident and in doing so had ruined his own life.

And life went on.

Jeanette found a defiance of her own. She willfully became pregnant by some fly-by-night and then left Starfleet to become a fulltime mother to a boy she called little Tommy. She refused to back-down to Owen’s anger about the way that she threw her career away.

When she point-blank asked him whether he intended to throw her out too, he accepted her choice without a further murmur and then treated Tommy with a doting affection that was alien to our expectations. Little Tommy was as boisterous as his namesake but Owen was a changed man and he simply laughed at antics that would have earned our Tom a whipping.

Elisabeth married and had two children, but she stayed in Starfleet and joined her father in his efforts to find a way home for Voyager. He became a liaison for all of the families of the lost crew, both Maquis and Starfleet. In our grief we all became closer. The loss of Tom bound us tightly together so that we became a real family for the first time ever.

Each Christmas the house rang with the gleeful shouts of Little Tommy and his cousins, Sarah and Jonah, but under the tree there would always be an untouched pile of presents for Tom which grew year by year as a testament to hope.

One day he would return. One day he would walk through the door and seeing that ever growing pile of dust covered boxes he would finally know that we loved him and that we were sorry.

The years passed in a grey blur. Owen visibly aged, as his quest to rescue Voyager bore no fruit. His political ambitions were shelved as he learnt far too late that nothing was more important than family. For myself, I helped Jeanette look after the children, retired from public life and attempted as normal an existence as possible. But at least once a week I would go into the room where Tom’s unopened presents lay and I would allow myself to privately grieve.

I don’t think any of us realised how sad and soulless our house had become until Owen announced the news that Voyager had returned. It was only the contrast of our elation that made us understand that we had been merely sitting in a holding pattern for years. It was as though time had stopped with Tom’s loss and his return was like an electric shock that galvanized us back into life.

Owen had been involved in the rescue attempt and had positioned a ship to collect Tom straight off Voyager in the event that the operation was successful. He had kept his plans to himself, unwilling to risk our hopes being dashed yet again. So the news was a complete and wonderful surprise to us all.

Owen warned me that he had received a message that Tom was unwell, suffering from some form of depressive illness, but I refused to let the news dishearten me. The whole family had been suffering from depression. Tom’s return had cured us, surely our love would cure him, I thought with a kind of blind faith.

The next few days were frantic with preparations as Tom’s old room was redecorated and aired. All of the presents were dusted and piled in his room, and then added to endlessly as Jeanette and Elisabeth raided the entire sector in an effort to find the luxuries that Tom had been deprived of for so long.

We wanted his return to be PERFECT. We wanted to erase years of hurt and neglect with fripperies. It was crass, possibly, but it was the only way we knew how to show him physically how much we had missed him.

Even Owen joined us to watch the televisation of Voyager’s homecoming party at DS9. Of course we knew that Tom was already halfway home, but we wanted to see the return of his colleagues and friends. We felt that seeing the people who had been his "family" for so many years would be a way of "touching" Tom and would be a first step to understanding him.

We knew that he had gained a position of respect and authority on Voyager. He was a lieutenant, chief pilot, fourth in command. This was a Tom even Owen could finally be proud of. But more than that, he was our little boy who had been lost and had now been found again.

"That’s Kathryn" Elisabeth breathed excitedly as the vid-cams played over the podium

I actually flinched a little as I saw the haughty little Captain. As much as Voyager’s disappearance had hurt me, I still couldn’t forgive her for telling Owen of my plan to get Tom released.

"The Vulcan next to her is Tuvok, the one who was undercover on the Maquis ship" Jeanette explained to me

"Apparently they are married to each other now!" Elisabeth giggled "I wonder which one is Tom’s girlfriend?"

To my surprise I saw Owen flush slightly and look uncomfortable. I had been married to him for enough years to recognise his quickly hidden expression of distaste, besides I may have never been the best of mothers, but I DID know my own son.

"I expect Tom is more likely to have a boyfriend" I replied mildly

"MOTHER!" Elisabeth screamed in shock as Owen coloured further and sank slightly into his chair. Jeanette, on the other hand, met my eyes with a knowing grin.

"So who do you think HE is?" She asked me slyly.

I looked carefully at the vid-screen, weighing each of the faces in the crowd and then I shook my head in defeat.

"I don’t know." I confessed. To be honest, the one person who had caught my eye had been a heavy-set bronze-skinned man with a strange tattoo over one eye. There was something so solid and dependable about his handsome features that I could actually imagine him as being Tom’s choice. However, since he was currently being devoured in the embrace of some huge glorious blonde giant, he was evidently not the one.

"WOW" Jeanette breathed as she noticed the two men’s passionate kiss.

"Yuck!" Elisabeth replied.

I had to smile. Elisabeth was obviously spending FAR too much time with her straight-laced father.

"SHIT!" Jeanette screamed

I blinked in astonishment at her language and then was more amazed that Owen didn’t comment on it. He just went pale as he looked at the screen. I followed his gaze and for a moment my heart actually stopped. It was Tom.

He was so emaciated he looked as though he had spent the last seven years in a Cardassian POW camp. His skin was white as parchment but flushed with a feverish fury as he limped painstakingly up the room towards the podium. I could feel the tears pouring down my cheeks as I saw my beautiful son now reduced to a wounded skeleton.

Our living room was deadly silent as we all watched agape as the events unfolded in a blur of violence. We saw Tom attack the blond giant, saw the older man restraining him with a protective hug, heard Tom call ‘Chakotay’ his husband and Captain Janeway say that Tom was mentally ill and then we watched in horror as the battle took place.

It was only when I saw Tom hand a knife to ‘Chakotay’, and I saw the older man nod and pull Tom close that I began to scream and as I saw the blade plunging towards them I fainted.

So I didn’t see their ‘miraculous’ escape, I still don’t know for sure that the knife didn’t actually pierce Tom before Chakotay realised they had been rescued.

Apparently, with the help of an alien from the Delta Quadrant, Chakotay has stolen a ship and Voyager’s EMH. It is the theft of the EMH that makes me believe that Tom was definitely injured.

Reports from DS9 are sketchy at the moment. It appears that this ‘Chakotay’ was the leader of the Maquis cell. He has been acting as First Officer on Voyager but Captain Janeway is saying that she never trusted him, she only allowed him the position in order to keep the rest of the Maquis tame.

The official ship’s log states that Tom was paralyzed in an accident 18 months ago and spent most of that time as a quadriplegic. Chakotay took advantage of his vulnerability, completely taking over Tom’s care and in a classic case of the patient falling in love with his doctor, Tom fell in love with the Maquis and was intending to marry him, only Chakotay left him after he was cured.

Tuvok says that the alien cure had unexpected side effects on Tom, making him suicidally depressed.

Owen is convinced that Chakotay intended to use his marriage to Tom and Tom’s dependence on him as a bargaining chip in case they returned to the Alpha Quadrant. The arrival of "Angel" meant that Chakotay had no more need of Tom and the discovery of how badly he had been used had made Tom’s mind snap, since he was already affected by his ‘cure’.

Owen believes that Chakotay is taking advantage of Tom’s illness. He is calling it kidnap.

But I don’t believe it.

I saw the way Tom and Chakotay looked at each other. The moment I saw the handsome Indian, I KNEW he was someone that my Tom could love. Their bizarre attempted suicide pact was the act of desperate lovers not a criminal and his victim.

So we are going to DS9 on the fastest ship that Starfleet had within hailing range, the USS Enterprise.

I have finally put my foot down. I don’t care if the whole of Starfleet is up in arms and pursuing the little craft. This is a FAMILY matter, this time I will not stand by and let the wolves gather around my son and the man who he calls his husband.

Owen, Jeanette, Elisabeth and myself are going to find Tom and we are going to finally bring him home.

Go to Part 49