Ripples

By Morticia

(Sequel to " Reversal ")

31/35

C/P

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Tom, Chak et al belong to Paramount. I am only playing with them and promise to put them back relatively unscathed

A delicious sensation woke Chakotay. Hot wet warmth was enveloping his groin and he shuddered at the ripples of pleasure that coursed through his entire body, even as a dull ache in his ass reminded him of the previous evening’s activities.

Opening his eyes he looked down the bed. Only a large misshapen lump under the sheet and the ministrations of his questing mouth evidenced Tom’s presence. It was oddly erotic that he couldn’t see his ravisher, that he only knew it was Tom by deduction. His wry amused smile grew wider as Tom’s enthusiasm for his task was translated into a slurping suction on Chakotay’s cock.

The thought did occur to him that it was probably a mistake to let this reciprocation happen at least until he was sure that Tom was doing it for the right reasons. But by that time his body was having far too much pleasure to listen to his sleepy brain and was reacting to Tom independently of any cognitive thought processes.

Chakotay bucked wildly under Tom’s relentless assault and erupted into Tom’s welcoming throat with a cry of ecstasy.

His head collapsed back on the pillow as he struggled for breath, his heart wildly pounding.

Tom scrambled up the bed, until his tousled hair appeared from under the sheet, his face displaying the wide grin of a satisfied cat, his tongue licking delicately at his swollen mouth but his eyes flickering with the usual uncertainty as he waited for Chakotay’s reaction to his impromptu alarm call.

“I didn’t think you were a morning person, Tom.” Chakotay joked softly, reaching out to draw the younger man into his arms.

Sighing with relief, Tom snuggled into the older man’s chest, burying his head back into Chakotay’s neck as strong warm arms rubbed and caressed him.

“I’m always better after I’ve eaten.” Tom sniggered quietly.

Chakotay raised Tom’s chin with a gentle finger so that the younger man’s eyes met his own.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know.” He told Tom softly

Tom stiffened and set his jaw defiantly

“I wanted to.” He snapped defensively but his eyes flashed fresh hurt and uncertainty and he quivered in Chakotay’s arms.

Chakotay kicked himself mentally as Tom flinched at his well-meant words.

“Thank you, Tom, it was a wonderful way to wake up.” Chakotay reassured him “As long as you understand that I never want you to do anything just because you think it is what I might want rather than what you want to do.”

Tom’s eyes clouded with confusion.

“It makes me happy to make YOU happy.” He mumbled “and last night was, well it was the best, you know, the best ever.”

“It was the best ever for me too, honey, although I think I’m a bit old for all the gymnastics.”

“You’re not old, Chak” Tom protested, “You’re PERFECT.”

The sincerity in Tom’s voice made a lump rise in Chakotay’s throat.

“I love you, Tom Paris.” He said and felt Tom stiffen almost imperceptibly in his arms.

“You have a problem with that, Tom, don’t you?” He questioned gently.

Tom ducked his head nervously.

“Can you tell me why, Tom? Why does my saying that make you so uncomfortable?”

Chakotay could feel Tom’s heart quickening. It thumped a frantic tattoo against his own chest.  Tom’s fear made Chakotay regret his question. He had promised Tom time, had assured him that he wouldn’t make him talk before he was ready and five minutes after Tom had woken him with a mind-blowing blow-job, he had rewarded Tom’s display of affection by terrorising him.

“I’m sorry, Tom, it doesn’t matter,” he said contritely.

Tom pulled abruptly out of his embrace and sat up in bed, wrapping his arms around himself and rocking silently.

Chakotay recognised the signs of one of Tom’s flashbacks and waited for Tom to erupt into the usual screaming fit. He even started to look around the bedroom for Ted, in case Tom fixated on the toy again. Guilt warred with irritation as his head began to pound in anticipation of the headache to come. He saw Tom’s back flex as the pilot drew breath and Chakotay flinched slightly, waiting for Tom’s howling to begin.

“Daddy used to say that.” Tom muttered in a surprisingly quiet voice.

Chakotay hesitantly placed a hand on Tom’s naked back and stroked down the tense muscles. Although Tom shivered under his touch, he made no attempt to move away.

Chakotay was unwilling to break the heavy silence. He was too frightened of saying the wrong thing and inadvertently upsetting Tom again. Besides, Tom’s words had flashed a number of unwelcome images into Chakotay's head and he was so angry with Tom’s bastard father that he didn’t think he could school his voice into the necessary gentleness to assure Tom that his anger wasn’t directed at Tom himself.

Frightened by Chakotay’s lack of response and increasingly intimidated by the lengthening silence, Tom tried to volunteer more information

“He always told me he loved me after, after -  after -  “ Tom’s voice trailed off. He couldn’t do it. He simply couldn’t say the words that would make Chakotay understand that he didn’t WANT to reject the older man’s declaration of love.

Tom had woken that morning before Chakotay had even started to stir. His own state of alert consciousness had amazed him. It had been the first morning in his memory when instead of clinging desperately to the warm protective comfort of bed he had actually found himself looking forward to the day ahead.

Chakotay hadn’t only given him the gift of his ass last night; he had given Tom a feeling of self-worth that stunned him. For Tom sex had always been a bitter currency and he had always been short-changed in the transaction.  But if someone as self-assured and powerful as Chakotay thought Tom’s feelings worthy of consideration, then perhaps they were.

It was an alien thought that surprised him with its sense of ‘rightness’. He, Tom Paris, was worth ‘something’ because Chakotay thought so, and as much as his own previous experiences belied the idea, Tom simply couldn’t imagine Chakotay being wrong about anything.

Overwhelmed with the peculiar feelings of morning cheer, Tom had decided to give Chakotay as pleasant an awakening as he had just experienced.  Chakotay’s initial reaction had been all that he hoped for and he had been thrilled by his own power to affect the older man’s body so thoroughly.

Tom had always known that his body had a sexual allure of its own. His well-honed ‘talents’ had always been a constant he could fall back on when all else failed. Often, even in the most humiliating situations, he had been able to find some small comfort in the fact that the people who abused him so carelessly were as helplessly snared by their attraction to him as he was trapped by their merciless sexual greed.

Chakotay was different.

Tom didn’t understand the difference really. It was too nebulous, too vague. All he knew was that the reaction of Chakotay’s body to his hadn’t awoken that secret scornful voice that silently mocked his abusers with triumphant hatred even as his outward form appeared to quiver with defeat.

His newfound power over Chakotay’s body hadn’t woken those familiar feelings of bitter triumph but had instead made him feel just for a short time that he was truly safe in Chakotay’s hands. He had finally found someone who valued the currency of his body, who saw latinum where other people saw only a cheap and common lobai crystal.

Now, just five minutes later, Chakotay was probably getting ready to throw him out again for his ingratitude.

Shit. He was so fucked. He KNEW that Chakotay loved him because Chakotay wanted to own him and people who loved you DID own you and often hurt you, but to be honest, he didn’t really care anymore if Chakotay did. He couldn’t imagine returning to his life before the gentle Indian had kidnapped his body and stolen his heart and truthfully he couldn’t imagine Chakotay hurting him either, although the knowing and the believing were two entirely different things.

He was finally admitting to himself that this feeling he had for Chakotay MUST be love, because it was so damned unfamiliar and frightening. He was bouncing on a wild roller coaster of emotions. One moment ecstasy, the next moment as likely to be terror or despair

Tom hated feeling so vulnerable, so out of control. His feelings terrified him, but not as much as the thought of Chakotay getting tired of his emotional baggage and giving up on him. He began to tremble under Chakotay’s gentle stroking.

Chakotay tensed miserably as Tom began to flinch from his touch. He had known that it was too soon to embark on a sexual relationship with the vulnerable pilot, but Tom had been so needy and he had honestly thought that the role reversal would be a good thing for Tom’s fragile ego.

Tom was shivering under his fingers, obviously preparing to run again and as much as he desired to grab the younger man and refuse to let go, he felt too woefully inadequate to the task of curing Tom’s problems. Every word he had spoken, every action he had taken so far, had only driven Tom further away.

He was harming Tom with his love. Perhaps he needed to back off a little and give Tom space.

“If you want to go back to your quarters – “ He began hesitantly, bravely blinking back his tears of despair

Tom twisted around in panic, his hands clutching Chakotay’s and squeezing in supplication.

“I’m sorry” He whispered desperately “I didn’t mean to make you mad again. Please don’t make me go.”

“Make you go?” Chakotay repeated in disbelief. “Spirits, Tom, if you leave me now, you’ll rip my heart out. I don’t EVER want you to go.”

Tom dove into his arms with the enthusiasm of a puppy, kissing and snuffling in relief. For a long time Chakotay soothed and gentled him, his own heart dancing with relief at his obvious misinterpretation of the reason for Tom’s distress.

An insistent chirruping from the bedside console reminded him that he had a job to go to.

“I have to get ready for shift, Tom.” He said ruefully

“Oh Shit! Yeah, me too.” Tom replied as he realised the time.

Squeezing Tom’s shoulders reassuringly, Chakotay cleared his throat.

“You’re off helm-duty today, Tom” He said as brightly as he could manage.

Tom wasn’t fooled. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Off duty? Why?”

“Doctor’s orders, Tom. He thinks you need a little time off.”

“How long?” Tom snapped, his voice harsh but his eyes filled with panic.

“A few days, perhaps longer. Just until you are feeling better.”

“I feel fine, Chakotay.” Tom insisted furiously

“You’re NOT fine, Tom, and besides, it would be a good idea for you to avoid the Captain for a few days.” Chakotay replied firmly

“The Captain? Why would I – oh, shit!” Tom gasped, his pale face flushing as memory flooded back to him, “I didn’t. Please tell me I didn’t do what I think I did.” He pleaded but Chakotay’s answering blush confirmed the worst.

“Shit!” Tom concluded “She’ll never let me near the helm again.”

Chakotay saw the genuine distress in Tom’s blue eyes, his fear of the consequences of his breakdown even overshadowing his considerable embarrassment.

“Tom, you are the best pilot on this ship. The best pilot I’ve ever seen to be honest. She’d be a fool to let one incident that was out of your control cloud her judgement of you.”

“It only took one incident to get me thrown out of Starfleet last time.” Tom reminded him bitterly.

Chakotay resisted the temptation to ask Tom about the Caldik Prime accident. He had always longed to know the details about Tom’s mistake and had a feeling that Tom was currently feeling depressed enough to actually tell him the truth. However, other than satisfying his curiosity, he couldn’t see any benefit from the information and his asking would probably only distress Tom further so he dismissed the thought.

“Trust me, Tom. As soon as I feel you are ready to fly again, you will be back at the helm. The Captain’s feelings in this matter are of no consequence. Leave Captain Janeway to me.”

“I DO trust you, Chakotay, and if you say I can’t fly then I have to accept that you’re right. But I don’t have to agree.”

Tom replied with a flash of spirit.

Chakotay grinned. He raised one of Tom’s hands to his mouth and kissed it gently.

“Your talented fingers will be back on the helm soon, my love, and in the meantime I’m sure we can find other ways to occupy them.”

Tom’s eyes widened and an appreciative smirk spread across his face as Chakotay blushed furiously at his accidental double entendre.

Deciding to let the older man off the hook, Tom asked, “What will I be doing then?” He honestly couldn’t face the thought of staying here alone while Chakotay worked. What if Tuvok paid him another visit?

“I thought you could spend a few days in Astrometrics with Seven. You could both benefit from each other’s knowledge of astral phenomena.” Chakotay said grateful Tom had changed the subject.

“Seven?” Tom queried, paling a little at the thought. He hadn’t seen the ex-Borg since the day B’Elanna had bitten him.

“It’s okay, Tom. She’s a friend.” Chakotay reassured him, “She both understands and accepts that you and I are together now.”

Tom pondered this statement. Seven had never hurt him, except by her indifference, and he had learned from B’Elanna’s example that he had created his own problems with most of the crew. If Chakotay trusted her, then he would too.

“Okay,” he agreed and Chakotay’s smile of approval was more than worth his capitulation.

Then Tom asked the question that had been on the tip of his tongue since he had woken in sickbay only he had been too frightened of the answer to face it:

“Is – is B’Elanna okay?”

Chakotay looked at Tom in confusion.

“B’Elanna?”

Tom swallowed nervously and flushed before asking

“Is she in the brig? Did – did Tuvok say what she did to him?”

Chakotay closed his eyes in pain as he realised that he was going to have to tell Tom what he had done. In a couple of sentences he was going to destroy Tom’s belief in him as a man of peace who would never dream of hurting another. Surely the knowledge that he was living with a cold-blooded murderer would terrify the fragile younger man.

“Tuvok died.” Chakotay muttered quietly.

An image of Tuvok’s blood spraying the walls flashed into Tom’s head and he shuddered in fear.

“B’Elanna KILLED him?” He gasped in horror, his terror on behalf of B’Elanna warring with a shamed relief that he would never have to face the Vulcan again.

Chakotay gathered his courage.

“I killed him.” He confessed

Tom’s face paled even further at his quiet words and he shivered with shock.

“YOU killed him? How? Why?”

Slowly Chakotay told Tom the whole story, his fear for B’Elanna, his outrage and his decision that Tom would never be safe as long as Tuvok remained on board. He even told Tom of the Captain’s complete lack of interest in the whole affair and the fact that no investigation had been made into Tuvok’s death.

In telling the details to Tom, Chakotay knew he was putting his own life into the pilot’s hands. Tom could destroy him with this knowledge if he chose.

After Chakotay’s confession, Tom was silent for a long time, mulling over Chakotay’s words, trying desperately to process the unbelievable into the understandable.

“You killed Tuvok?” Tom finally asked, as though to check he hadn’t just imagined Chakotay’s admission.

“When I found out what he had done to you, I went crazy.” Chakotay explained

Tom nodded thoughtfully.

“Because he touched me, and I’m yours?” he asked quietly

“Because he HURT you, Tom, and I love you.” Chakotay corrected him firmly.

Tom’s bewildered blue eyes sought out the truth in Chakotay’s face and whatever he saw there must have satisfied him because he gave a huge sigh and curled trustingly back into Chakotay’s embrace.

Chakotay hugged him tightly, tears of relief spilling slowly down his face and dripping into Tom’s soft blonde hair. Tom’s willingness to trust him and accept his actions without question lit a flame in his heart.

“I’ll never let anyone hurt you, ever again, Tom.” He promised as his love for the younger man burnt hotly through his chest with a clean tempering fire.

“I love you too.” Tom whispered so quietly that Chakotay nearly missed it.

The difference between Tom’s whisper and his bold announcement the previous night was as clear to Chakotay as night and day and a feeling of well-being pervaded his whole being. He felt brave enough now to face the next part of his campaign to save Tom.

~~~

The morning senior staff briefing was painfully brief. The absence of Tom, Tuvok and Harry had made the whole affair rather pointless.

When Kathryn asked Chakotay to stay behind, he relaxed back in his chair confidently and waited for the inevitable.

Kathryn waited for the door to close and then turned furiously on her First Officer.

“I warned you, Chakotay. I can’t function without senior officers. I have to replace Tuvok and if Tom can’t work, I have to replace him too.”

“Harrison can cover Tom. What about Harry’s position?” Chakotay challenged.

 "In my opinion, it is counter-productive to keep Harry in the brig. We both agreed that what happened to Tuvok was an unfortunate accident. While I am not suggesting that he should simply ‘walk-free’, his time would be better spent at his post than sitting in the brig, using up the ship’s resources and giving nothing back.

 I propose that he is put back on duty, but his off-duty activities be severely limited. He will be confined to quarters when he is not on the bridge.”

 "Whose quarters?” Chakotay asked bluntly.

 Kathryn gave a start of annoyance and flushed deeply

 "What exactly do you mean by that, Commander?” She snarled

 “Cut the crap, Captain!” Chakotay replied calmly “I know that you are enjoying a ‘relationship’ with Ensign Kim.”

 He raised a hand to forestall her immediate denial

 “Frankly I don’t give a damn. You can keep him chained by a collar in your bedroom for the rest of the trip as far as I’m concerned. And I agree that it makes sense for him to man his post when you are on duty yourself. Do whatever you want with him, I won’t interfere.”

 Kathryn narrowed her eyes dangerously

 “And the price of this new found spirit of co-operation is presumably that I back off over the Tom situation?”

 “You keep your pet, I keep mine. We are both happy!” Chakotay said casually, praying that she never repeated his comment to Tom.

 Kathryn stared at him for a long time, mulling his words over in her head.

 “Who can we move into Tuvok’s position?” She finally asked, her change of subject sufficient notification of her agreement to his terms.

 Hiding his relieved grin, Chakotay considered her words. The logical choice was Ayala, but there was no way Chakotay was letting that bastard get any power under his belt. The way he had abused Tom proved that he couldn’t be trusted with authority.

 “Lieutenant Wildman would be my suggestion. I know that her Lieutenant’s rank is still fresh, and I am not suggesting that she is promoted again yet, but the position of Security Chief would be a learning experience for her and her skills at the helm would make her a valuable addition to the Bridge in case of an emergency.”

 “Why not Ayala?” Kathryn asked suspiciously

 “No reason, except that the position carries so much authority and I feel that a woman’s judgement is always so much more likely to be calm and rational in a tricky emotional situation. The Chief of Security is often called upon to deal with domestic disputes and crew tensions. Lieutenant Wildman would be more likely to diffuse a hostile situation than exacerbate it.” Chakotay said smoothly, playing to Kathryn’s own ego.

 “Very well, I agree with your recommendation.”

Chakotay sighed with relief. He needed a firm supporter in that position and he had no doubt that Sam would back him up in a crunch. His satisfaction didn’t last.

“Now, about Tom’s ‘illness’, how long is he going to be off duty?”

“He isn’t ‘off-duty’, he’s merely off the bridge for the moment. He is working with Seven in Astrometrics.” Chakotay said firmly

“So what was that ‘mama’ thing all about? I can’t have a crewmember wandering about with a screw loose. This is a military vessel, not a hospital. I agree that you can keep him, but I’m damned if I’ll have this ship put in danger by his antics. Any repetition of yesterday’s fiasco and it won’t be ME keeping my sex toy chained in the bedroom. Do you understand me, Chakotay?”

“Perfectly, Captain.” Chakotay grated, “I guarantee that there will be NO insane crewmembers wandering around Voyager before long.”

Kathryn blinked uncertainly, unsure of exactly what it was about his reply that had disturbed her. Then she shrugged. She had her bridge positions filled, Harry would soon be back where he belonged (in her quarters) and she had a bargaining chip to keep her rebellious First Officer in line.

She had been mistaken in her assessment that Tom was of no longer of use to her. If his presence guaranteed Chakotay’s good behaviour then his inability to fly was a minor consideration for the moment.

Of course, it was always possible that Chakotay would outlive his own usefulness. In which case, Tom would regain his own worth, even if the stupid bastard were still unable to fly. The thought made her smile.

“That’s all, Chakotay. Dismissed.”

As he left the ready room, Chakotay decided that it most certainly was NOT all. He didn’t trust Janeway as far as he could throw her.  It was time for more drastic measures.