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Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew belong to Paramount and not me. Whatever

Summary: Eyes are wide shut and it isn't Kubrick that opens them.

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He was walking naked through a dark forest.

Towering trees covered in vines, ferns and moss formed a dense canopy completely blocking out the sun. The undergrowth was sparse, only a few stunted ferns and strangely glowing lichens lined the hard packed path.

His looked down at the moisture collecting on the hairs of his chest and groin. Everything here, including himself was wet even though it wasn't raining and in this dampness he should be chilled but he wasn't, the mist felt almost sensual on his skin. So that meant either this was a temperate climate or it was his dream that was responsible for his lack of goosebumps. He brushed at the water droplets on his chest and they condensed into a small stream that trickled down his flat stomach to slick the insides of his thighs as he walked. Curiosity led him further down the trail.

Unfamiliar birdsong accompanied him on his journey through the rainforest. He peered through the trunks for their source but was unable to see anything but muted shadows. He was getting nervous. It may be scenic here but it was also getting a little eerie. Seeing a light in the dimness up ahead he quickened his pace, stretching his leg muscles as the path inclined upwards.

He reached the crest and emerged in a circular clearing edged in fog. The forest ceiling was thinner here allowing for small patches of sunlight to create a lattice patchwork on the dirt floor. But where were the birds? Straining his ears, he slowly rotated in the core of the circle willing them to sing again. All was silent.

Shit, shit, shit, he was having a nightmare. Looking for the biggest beam of sunlight he could find he stood in it and hoped the demons wouldn't be able to find him there. A movement swished behind him and he spun, squinting his eyes through the gloom hoping to see it before it saw him. He fought down his panic, as the sound grew closer. Oh fuck whatever it was, it was here. He bit his bottom lip and waited for the evil to come.

"Welcome Thomas."

********

"Ah-koo-chee-moya."

In the privacy of his quarters, he broke out the akoona and the meditation bundle. He began solemnly, as always, "I am far from the sacred places of my grandfathers. I am far from the bones of my people. But perhaps there is a powerful being who will embrace me and give me the answers I seek."

His body clad in only loose fawn coloured trousers and braided leather band above his right biceps calmed to stillness. Moments passed into minutes as he sat crossed legged on the replica of his grandfather's invocation rug waiting for his ancestors to embrace him.

"Ah-koo-chee-moya." He repeated his mantra.

When he passed from the corporeal world into his dream world, a soft welcoming light would encompass him and he would meet his guide. Normally after chanting the transition was instantaneous however tonight the light seemed to ignore his call and refuse to come. He repeated again the words of his tribe with no effect. He opened his eyes in defeat.

"Spirits." He breathed the word through opened lips not knowing if he meant it as an entreaty or a curse.

Where was she? He turned off the blinking akoona and leaned back against the base of the lounge stretching out his legs before him.

The she-wolf was his link to his past, present and his future. She gave him counsel when he was tormented, gave him empathy when he was suffering and cultivated his wisdom when he was unsure but she had never deserted him. He moved his arms back and pulled himself up on the lounge.

Had he done something recently to offend her? He wracked his brain for a transgression and came up empty. He lived his life as well and as honestly as he could. Life wasn't easy in the Delta quadrant and spirits knew he'd had more than his share of mishaps but he'd done everything he could during those troubled times to remain true to his beliefs. Or thought he had.

He looked across the living space of his quarters to the chrono on his desk. It was late and he had an early briefing to attend in the morning. With hope Chakotay heaved himself off the couch and headed for bed.

Maybe she would welcome him in his dreams.

********

"Holy fuck!"

"You're only half right Thomas."

A large silver lupine creature emerged from the shadows of the underbrush.

He swallowed his heart back into place and addressed the monster that had the starring role in his nightmare. "Who are you?" It sat on down on its haunches in front of him.

"A friend."

"Oh yeah what kind of 'friend'? The kind that eats you before or after they suck your brains out your eye sockets?"

Her, he was pretty sure it was a her, head tilted to one side in what appeared to be amusement.

"Would it help if I told you I wasn't hungry right now Thomas?"

"Yeah it would."

"Very well." The wolf settled down on her front haunches and eyed him speculatively. "I just had big dinner and couldn't eat another bite. Feel better?"

Her voice was soft and calm and he found himself responding to it. He sat down on the forest floor and crossed his legs.

"OK so if you're not going to have me for supper when are you going to turn into a drop dead gorgeous woman and fuck me?"

"I don't."

"No? This is 'my' dream isn't it?"

"Not exactly."

"That sounds ominous."

"Yes I'm pretty good at that." Her silver tail curled around her as she positioned her body into a more relaxed position. "I'm here as a messenger Thomas."

He'd had some freaky dreams before but this one topped the list. Not only was the creature extremely vivid, it was extremely talkative. Normally the participants in his dreams either screwed him or killed him and this one it seemed didn't have the inclination for either. He didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved so he went with it.

"OK what's the message then?"

"It's time to claim what you own. It's time for his epiphany."

Epiphany? Wasn't that when someone saw the light? OK so far all this was as clear as the mud his balls were sitting in.

"Excuse me? What do I own and whose eyes are supposed to be opened?"

She seemed pleased the he understood her reference but a little pissed he didn't know who she was talking about.

"Chakotay's."

"The commander's?" Oh now he got it, well at least some of it. According to some archaic custom of his, he owned the first officer's life for saving his sorry ass on the Ocampan home world six years ago. At the time it had been sort of cool to have something over on the man but after the last few years of getting to know him in a non-adversarial environment he'd shifted the oath to a far recess in his brain and marked it as irrelevant. It hadn't been an issue between them for years and he rarely thought about it.

"I don't really think I own his life and reminding him of that fact isn't going to make him a happy camper. I think he's glad I've forgotten all about it."

"I'm sure he is but the fact remains that you do and it is yours do with what you will. It's your right Thomas."

"But I don't want his life."

She did the head tilt thing again and her gray eyes glittered at him. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah I think so." He was pretty sure he was missing something here.

"Before your make you're mind up, may I give you something to consider."

"It's your show."

"You share it with him."

"Share? You can't mean like being his best friend because I already got one of those, his name is Harry."

"No Thomas I don't."

His eyes opened wide and he had his own epiphany.

"You want me to fuck him?"

"Yes that would be part of it. You would be his lifemate."

Oh no fucking way! Besides the fact that the obviously hetero Chakotay would probably smack him upside the head if even tried to make a pass at him, there was no way in hell he was ready to make that kind of commitment to anyone. He was having too much fun with the Delaney's and Sue Nicoletti, not to mention the sweet faced Crewman Geron to settle down with one person for the rest of his life.

"Pass."

"Do you think he wouldn't want you?"

"No I don't think, I pretty much know the commander wouldn't be interested in me. The captain is more his style. If you want him to have an epiphany maybe you should making a house call on her instead of me."

"No Thomas you're it. He will want you and you will want him. It's the way it should be."

"And what Supreme Being whispers in your ear?"

The she-wolf rose from the ground and came within inches of his face.

"Destiny."

"Yeah well I hope she brings her friends, Miracle and Hope."

"She doesn't have to Thomas they're already here."

"Oh yeah where are they then?"

A padded paw lifted and rested on his chest.

"Right here Thomas, where they've always been. Just look and you'll find them standing right beside the love you hold for Chakotay."

With that and a defiant flick of her tail the wolf disappeared back into the mists of the rainforest.

He fell on his back in the moist soil. This was crazy. Chakotay would never accept him as a lover. Even if he liked men, he wouldn't be the kind of man he'd like let alone love. OK hormones where hormones. If he tried he might be able to get the commander to at least wonder what was on the other side of the fence if not have him actually climb over it. But to be able to make him stay there and make a life of it would be a whole other story. Could he do that and did he want it if he could? He lay in the mud speculating.

He was half way to naming their firstborn before he realized what he was doing. Fuck! Chakotay wasn't his type and it was best he stopped thinking that he might be right now. He sat up and placed his head in his hands.

Shit. This was a nightmare after all.

********

What the hell was the matter with Paris?

Chakotay shifted his eyes from him back down to the PADD in his hand while listening to the captain talk.

They were entering a system that had formed an alliance of planets very much like their own Federation but smaller in scale. The Affinity as they called themselves was commemorating the centennial of their formation and had invited Voyager to join the celebration.

"We'll be traveling through these peoples' space a few days so I want everyone to be on their best behavior tonight."

That wouldn't be a problem for him because he didn't intend on attending the party. He slept like hell last night and all he planned on doing this evening was trying to contact his guide again and going to bed early.

"Attendance will be mandatory people." As if reading his thoughts the captain directed her next comment to him. "No exceptions."

He gave her a look of defeat and then glanced at the pilot briefly before redirecting his gaze to the PADD. Spirits he was still watching him. While it was not necessarily an uncomfortable sensation to be the focus of those brilliant blue orbs, it was still disconcerting. What the hell was the man seeing today that he didn't see yesterday? Had he done something recently that justified this scrutiny? If he ever needed the counsel of his guide now was it but she was avoiding him as much as the lieutenant was not. Damn!

The captain dismissed the meeting and he stood. Paris rose from his chair in tandem with him and not being able to stand it any longer Chakotay returned the stare full force. That's when the lieutenant did something he never seen the man do before.

He blushed.

********

His eyes followed the delicate tracings of the tattoo on the strong face and the sounds in room became distant as he drank in the rest of the man's quiet strength. Gods the man was gorgeous. Why hadn't he noticed that before? For the same reasons he was noticing now he supposed. 

Chakotay was a strong personality, one that would demand dominance and definitely not his usual type. Tom had enough of that bullshit growing up and as an adult pursued relationships where he was the one with the upper hand. Women and men like Geron who were born bottoms gave him a sense of control and as a result, a shield from the hurt.

It would be dangerous to his emotional stability going after a man like the commander. He would have to let down his guard and would be especially vulnerable to his probable rejection. Gods he didn't need that kind of pain in his life so why was he even considering it? He studied the man across from him at the conference table. 

The captain made some remark causing the first officer to look up from his PADD and before he resumed his perusal of the slim instrument, his dark eyes brushed his. The contact was brief but it was long enough to send sparks of electricity through his entire body and he had his answer, lust.

The wolf in his crazy dream wasn't too far off. He did want Chakotay but not all of him just his body. It was a risk but to have that strong beautiful body under his for even one night would be worth it. Chakotay wouldn't have to love him to fuck him and vice versa. It didn't have to mean anything more than mutual satisfaction and passion, did it?

"Dismissed."

He broke from his reverie and his body already in tune with the commander's rose from its chair at the same time. As Tom prayed silently that the bulge in his pants wasn't sticking out like a beacon, a pair of ebony eyes assaulted him. He felt an unfamiliar burn in his cheeks and exited the conference room quickly.

Shit, score one for the wolf.

********

Yada, yada, yada.

Tom listened patiently to his host explain the many cultural exhibits the various planets in the Affinity had on display in the vast hall. Where the fuck was Chakotay? The man mistook his searching eyes for interest and prattled on.

"And outside in the courtyard are food stands, a refreshment tent and a demonstration of native dancing."

There was an outside? Knowing the commander had a thing for wide-open spaces, he politely disengaged himself from the talkative local and headed for the exit.

Three natural satellites glowed amongst the stars over a large field filled with tents and people. As Tom walked through the throng he was reminded of the carnivals he had visited while attending the academy in France. The cornucopia of lights, colours and smells filled his senses and invigorated him. This was a wonderful place to be and now all he needed was someone to share it with. He continued his search down the centre walkway spying a Federation uniform from time to time but not the one he wanted.

The avenue ended at a spacious glade with a great bonfire in the middle. Around the fire was a ring of dancers and around the dancers was a ring of spectators on long rough-hewn benches and sitting mesmerized by the activity before him was his commander. Tom wandered over and squeezed in a seat between the first officer and the man next to him. It was a little close but he didn't mind in the least bit.

"Come here often?" Chakotay turned his head and took notice of his presence.

"Tom?" The use of his first name fanned the flames of arousal already building from the touch of Chakotay's muscled shoulder and thigh against his.

"Right in one." He gave the commander his best come fuck me smile. "So what's going on?"

The commander didn't smile back and turned his head to the dancers.

"It's a courtship rite." Tom watched the fire light play over the features of the first officer's handsome face.

"Really?"

"Yes it's fascinating." Chakotay's voice paused. "I'm not."

The pilot let his voice lower to a silkier level. "That's a matter of opinion."

Tom felt the body beside him tense.

"Watch or leave Lieutenant."

Oh we were back to formal titles again were we? Slowing his pace of seduction he tore his eyes from the commander to the pairs of mostly nude bodies twirling around the bonfire to a primal drumbeat.

Some of the couples were men and women, some were women and women and some, hoping the first officer noticed were men and men. They moved in graceful precision circling each other, touching their partners with feathered caresses using only their fingertips. It was incredibly erotic and it impelled Tom to let his hand rest gently on the commander's upper thigh.

He heard a sharp intake of breath but no protest. OK so far so good. Tom watched the dancers, letting the commander get used to his touch before moving his fingers. After a few minutes passed, he found the rhythm in the drumbeat and matched it with small sideways strokes.

Chakotay's breaths became shallow and his knees parted slightly, pressing his leg closer. Chancing a look, Tom saw that the first officer's eyes were closed and he was biting his bottom lip. Oh fuck! If he had any residual doubts about his need for the big guy they were dashed now. The man was incredible in his arousal. Feeling bold, Tom let his fingers creep closer to the hardness he knew he would find.

Unfortunately when he came within centimeters of his goal the music stopped and the commander's eyes flew open. The crowd around them stood clapping and in confusion the commander looked straight ahead following suit. Feeling a little shell shocked himself Tom stood and not wanting to lose the ground he gained, he searched his brain for a way to keep the commander with him.

"Thirsty?"

"What?" Unfocused eyes darkened by desire turned to him. 

"There's a refreshment tent on the midway, would you like to check it out?"

"All right."

Score one for Thomas.

********

What the hell was he doing?

They entered a dark tent filled with clamoring voices and bodies looking for room at the bar. They found a space big only enough for one however they managed to fit by turning sideways facing each other. He waited while Tom got them both a glass of what passed for beer on this planet.

His head was reeling with sensory input. The dance and Tom's touch had left him confused, disorientated and more excited than he had been in a very long time. He felt the press of the pilot's groin against his as he reached for their drinks and grabbed the bar for support. Spirits how could this be happening? This wasn't Kathryn or some other beautiful female this was Tom Paris making him so horny he could barely think.

It wasn't because he was a man, well not entirely. Chakotay had been with men before but he found he preferred to be the stronger one in a sexual encounter and therefore most of his relationships had been with women. No it was because this was Tom Paris. A man who took his pleasures at random, without devotion or love. He was somebody whose morals were diametrically opposed to his own and Chakotay was disturbed by his reaction to him.

"Cheers."

Tom handed him a frothing mug and raised his own in salute.

"Cheers."

He needed to stop this now before it went further and as he made to say so, he felt a hand on his butt. It wasn't Tom's. He felt a hot breath on his neck and turned to face one of the natives of this planet.

"Would you like to see the sunrise with me?"

Before he could answer Tom's arms wrapped around his mid-section and took the words from his mouth.

"No he wouldn't."

The alien looked over his shoulder and left bowing in deference. His space at the bar was replaced moments later by a broad back that showed no interest in him.

The crisis passed he made to move back to his original position but was locked in place by strong arms.

"Don't." He felt Tom's mouth close to his ear. "Please."

Before he could formulate an answer the pilot's hands caressed his chest, rubbing his nipples through the fabric of his uniform bringing them to hardness. He leaned back into the pilot's body and was further rewarded by soft kisses on the nape of his neck.

"Do you know how beautiful you are to me Chakotay?"

It might have been a line Tom used on all his conquests but at the moment he didn't care. Unable to catch his breath his response wasn't any more than a whisper.

"No."

"Let me show you then."

A hand left his chest to travel down his stomach to his aching erection. He felt the fastenings of his pants loosen and he bit his bottom lip to keep from crying out and alerting the man in front of him as the pilot palmed his cock. Tom's hand was deft and sure and in very little time he erupted, his come slicking the passage of the lieutenant's hand. This time a moan did escape his lips as his knees buckled but nobody looked and nobody cared.

Tom embraced him with one arm to keep him from falling and with his free hand he used napkins from the bar to clean him. As his senses returned to normal he had the presence of mind to do up his own trousers. When he was done, the soft kisses returned to the base of his neck.

"I want you Chakotay."

Guilt mixed with fear descended on him. He knew what Tom was asking but he couldn't do it. It was bad enough he'd surrendered to his baser emotions and had allowed the pilot to give him a hand job in a public place, there was no way he could carry it further and allow the man to corrupt him completely.

"No."

The arms that held him stiffened and fell away. Even though he was now released from Tom's hold, he found he couldn't turn to face him.

"Why?" He heard the pain in Tom's voice but was unable to soften the words that needed saying.

"It isn't right."

"Right, oh yeah stupid me. Well forgive me all to hell for forgetting that as you called my name and came into my hand!"

He felt the lieutenant brush by his shoulder as he left the refreshment tent.

######

"Tom wait!"

He only made it about four meters from the refreshment tent before he heard the plea.

"Hold up will ya?"

He turned to see a flushed faced Crewman Geron exiting the tent. He waited for the younger man to weed through the throng of people to his position.

"You OK?"

He peered down into a face that looked way too young to look so concerned. He brushed his chin with his thumb.

"Yeah I'm fine Tem."

A flash of red stole his attention and he looked up to see Chakotay standing at the entrance of tent watching him. Geron placed his palms on the front of uniform and moved closer.

"You sure? I mean you left pretty quickly."

Fuck didn't he have something better to do? Well fine if he wanted to watch him, Tom would give him something to see.

"I could be better." He leaned down and took the Bajoran's mouth in a deep long kiss, never letting his eyes waver from the commander who locked his eyes with his.

Tem broke away from him and took his hand. "Follow me Tom."
He allowed the young man to lead him away giving Chakotay one final smile over his shoulder. 

Eat your heart out, you bastard!

********

It was dark and it was quiet and they were not alone.

Tem had led him between the concession booths to the far reaches of the fairgrounds behind what he supposed was a storage shed. His shadow had followed and was now standing just out of sight at the edge of the building.

"Tom?" Tem leaned against the clapboard wall and pulled him close. Big doe eyes assailed his. Oh gods this man was sweet and he knew from previous encounters, tasty. He could forget the hurt with Geron and at the same time inflict back some of own.

Locking his hands behind the Bajoran's head, he made full body contact and explored his mouth with his tongue. Tem moaned and slid his small hands between them releasing both their erections from their uniforms. Tom was a good head taller than the diminutive Bajoran and their cocks were unable to get close enough to slide pleasurably against each other. To correct the problem the pilot took matters into his own hands, or rather his mouth.

He slid down his partner till he was on his knees before him. Peeling back the edges of his fly, Tom swallowed Geron's not so diminutive cock whole.

"Tom!" Geron's hips bucked off the wall.

He was putting on a show, so he used all the talent he had in his tongue and mouth to make Tem scream out in passion.

"Tom stop." Hands grabbed at his shoulders. "Please Tom come up here now."

As soon as his mouth left the rigid member, Tem replaced it with his delicate fingers and stroked himself to orgasm. Tom wasn't insulted by his actions; he knew what the Bajoran was doing. Tem was being creative and making do with the materials they had at their disposal.

After a small rest period, the young man took his hand off his own cock and placed it on Tom's, slicking it thoroughly with his come.

"Are you sure you want to do this here Tem?"

"Yes, very sure." He turned, lowered his trousers and placed his hands against the wall. 

The pilot took a sideways glance at the shadows. He had not planned on going this far but this was the second time tonight someone else had got off in front of him and now Tom's own penis was throbbing painfully for relief.

"Please Tom do it now!" The leiutenant brought his attention back to the exquisite man offering himself to him. Anger, hurt and desire overcame him and he rammed his cock into his pretty ass. His usual control left him as he wildly drove in an out of the tight passage. He vaguely heard Tem scream out a second orgasm before he found his own and came deep inside the young man. Spent he fell to ground and leaned back against the shed with his head on his knees. Tom heard the shuffling of clothing.

"Hey." Tom looked at Tem as he sat beside him and then around him into the dark. Tem followed his gaze a moment then turned back.

"I think he's gone."

Tom looked at him with surprise. "You knew?"

"Yeah, I saw you both at the bar earlier."

The pilot sunk his head between his knees. What a fucking asshole he was. He had wanted hurt somebody tonight but not this somebody. He raised his head and looked into Tem's face.

"I'm so sorry." 

"Don't be, I'm not." Tem smiled. "Besides it was probably our last time before you went exclusively with the commander anyway."

"Chakotay?" He laughed. "What colour is the sky in your world, Tem? Chak ain't never gonna let me touch him that way."

"He will."

"You know that for a fact?"

"Yeah Tom everybody knew that once you two finally noticed each other, it would all over for the rest of us. It just a matter of when, that's all."

Tom threw his arm around the younger man and pulled him to his chest. He kissed the top of the tousled brown hair.

"I like you kid."

"Yeah but you love him."

If all this pain, fear and passion meant he was in love, then he guessed he was. He hugged Tem closer to him.

"Yeah, whether I want to be or not."

********

"Computer, location of Lieutenant Paris?"

"Lieutenant Paris is in his quarters."

"Is he awake?"

"Negative."

He hated himself for asking the next question but he wanted, no he needed to know.

"Is he alone?"

"Affirmative."

Chakotay breathed a sigh of relief. He still may hate himself for checking up on the blond pilot but he felt a whole lot better for it. He sat back on the lounge in his own quarters and played absently with the akoona in his hand.

The she wolf didn't come again tonight but it seems everyone, Tom, Geron and himself included, had. Oh very funny Chakotay, keep making fun of the spirit and she'll never show. He brought the akoona up to his face and twirled it in his fingers. It wasn't the beacon's fault she didn't show, it was functioning perfectly no it was his. He was a mess.

For the first time in his life he wanted to possess someone totally before developing a relationship. Put more bluntly, he wanted to fuck Tom Paris now and worry about his rules about love and respect later.

But as he told Tom it wasn't right. He wasn't simply an animal driven by baser desires, he was a man the ability to think and reason before reacting. Or he used to be.

Tonight he'd gone crazy. Tom's touch at the fire and in the bar had sent him completely over the edge. Oh he'd come to his senses briefly after he'd come all over the front of his uniform but he'd lost it again when he saw the pilot with Geron. In a fog of what may have been jealousy he followed them.

When he saw Tom go down on his knees he wanted to leave but didn't and when he saw the lieutenant enter the other man, he knew he couldn't. The passion on Tom's face and in his movements was fascinating and incredible to see even if he wasn't the reason for it. He been frozen to the spot and hadn't been able to move until he heard Tom crying out his release. He had then retraced his steps and returned to the ship.

Which was where he was now, sitting alone in the dark in his quarters burning for him. He wanted to hear Tom scream his name and he wanted to scream it back. Putting the akoona down on the low table he looked at the chrono. It was late.

He was halfway out the doors of his quarters before he realized where he was going and stopped. He considered what he was doing and with a very un-commander like shrug of his shoulders he went anyway.

********

"Why the hell not?"

"Because it isn't very dignified Thomas."

He leaned over his crossed knees to bring his face closer to her muzzle.

"Even when it's a full moon?"

She tapped his nose gently with hers. "No besides I can't sing."

Laughing he fell back on his hands in the mud. She may be crazier than a loon but he liked her. 

"This isn't the reason I came here."

He sobered. Oh yeah the Chak update.

"I fucked it up, literally."

"You didn't."

"Yeah I did. I gave him his epiphany and opened his eyes but I don't think he liked what he saw."

"And you know this how?"

"I just know." He couldn't stop the tremble in his voice. 

The she wolf moved closer and placed her head in his lap.

"I thought I was supposed to be the mystical one here."

"Yeah? Well I thought I was the one that told the jokes, so go figure." He ran his fingers through her silver coat. "He doesn't want me because it's not right."

"Oh so now he's the one that knows."

"Yeah I guess so."

She stood to her full height, which was pretty impressive to someone sitting in the mud.

"Well let me tell you what I know." Her shoulders hunched. "I know he's as scared and as confused as you are. I also know he's going to fall in love with you."

"But he saw what I did tonight."

"Yes and so did I but it won't make any difference to him. He'll forget about it."

"Yeah right and Sol is just another star." His voice rose with his body as he uncrossed his legs and stood to face her. "Don't you get it! I fucked another man right in front of him!" He began pacing and flailing his arms. "How the hell is he ever supposed to forget that!"

"Sit down Thomas." Her voice was calm.

This whole situation was really fucked. He, Tom 'love them and leave them' Paris was in love and some crazy assed wolf was telling him to shut up and sit down in 'his' dream. Well screw that!

"Sit down Thomas before I knock you down. Crazy or not I'm pretty sure I can do it in one." 

He stopped his pacing. Gone was the soft-spoken lupine and in her place was a very dangerous looking creature. Taking note of the length of her canines he decided that sitting was a pretty good idea after all.

"I don't want any of this. I was a lot happier before Chakotay."

"Oh so now who's the crazy one. You're the one that jumped from bed to bed running from the one thing you always wanted. You weren't happy, sexually satisfied maybe but happy you weren't."

"So are you telling me that I'm closet a masochist."

"A little but that's another story." She retook her usual position across from him on her haunches. "Let yourself love him Thomas and suffer through his uncertainty until he loves you back."

"Just roll with it then?"

"That's a little trite but yes."

"OK."

The she wolf readied herself for her exit but before she left she brushed the length of her silky coat across his bare shoulder.

"Have patience Thomas."

As she trotted off into the forest he heard a long uneven howl and he winced.

She was right, she was tone deaf.

********

"Computer override door lock, authorization Chakotay Beta One."

The doors slid opened and he entered the lieutenant's quarters. He had tried the chime repeatedly but without success, hell the man must sleep like the dead. So he'd figured overriding the door lock was his only option short of waking the operations officer for a site to site transfer. He didn't think the captain would be too thrilled to hear he'd used the ship's resources and manpower so he could get laid. No that would definitely not bring a smile to her lips. He walked through living area and into the bedroom.

Most of the room was dark except for the starlight pooling from the viewport across the bed. The commander walked to the end of it and stared down at the object of his desire, beautifully innocent in his slumber.

What the hell was he doing? He was the first officer of the Federation starship Voyager not some petty voyeur. He wanted Tom so badly he'd let it affect his personal as well as his professional disciplines and that was just plain wrong. He turned to leave.

"Chakotay?"

His blood began pumping and his heart started jumping.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be here, I'll leave."

"Do you want to stay?"

He stopped his exit, turned back to look at Tom and gave the only answer he had.

"Yes."

Tom pulled the covers back revealing his long lean body.

"Then come here."

Slowly he removed his uniform with shaking hands before slipping beside him in the bed. Lying on his side, he held his hips back preventing his weeping penis from touching the pilot. His need was so great he was afraid of embarrassing himself by coming at the first touch of that pale skin.

"I can't believe you're really here."

Fingers fell across his lips preventing a reply.

"No Chak don't say anything. It'll probably just be something stupid anyway."

Stupid? He was about to argue the point but then he remembered how he got here. Tom replaced the fingers with his lips. They were soft and questing. He opened his mouth to allow him deeper access and with his tongue the pilot awoke again the insanity that had been plaguing him since he had beamed down to the planet. He pulled away and buried his head in Tom's neck.

"Spirits Tom I need you."

"It's OK Chak, I'm here and I'm yours."

His, he was his. The commander pushed him over on to his back and like an animal marked him with his tongue and his teeth. Tom arched into his assault as he traveled the length of the pilot's torso to his groin.

"Beautiful, so beautiful."

Tom was circumcised and although it was an archaic custom it did show off wonderfully the purple head of his long thick phallus. His inexperienced mouth tasted the crest.

"Oh fuck Chak!"

Tom jerked up shoving his erection deeper into his mouth. Reflex caused Chakotay to close his lips around him spurring a pumping action in the pilot's hips. The knowledge that he was giving the blond pleasure spiked his arousal to a new level and he thrust his pelvis against the bedcovers searching for release.

"Stop, please."

He looked up into the man's flushed face confused.

"I need more Chak."

"What?"

Tom moved down the bed until they were eye to eye.

"I need to fuck you."

"Me? But I thought…."

"Yeah you thought you were the one going to be doing the fucking but it's my bed and my rules, OK?"

He wanted him to be bottom. No one had ever asked that of him before and he wasn't sure he would like it.

"I promise it will be good." 

He remembered how Tem had called out the pilot's name and how he came without being touched as Tom slammed into him.

"All right."

"Thank you Chak."

Permission given Tom sprang from the bed to the bathroom. He returned a few moments later with a vial and went to his knees at the end of the bed.

"Come down here to me sweetness."

He did as he was told letting his legs fall over the edge of the mattress at the knee. He closed his eyes, feeling soft kisses on the insides of thighs as he lay on his back in comfort on the bed.

"Do you even have the slightest idea how much I want this Chakotay?" More kisses rained down on him landing on the base of his stomach. "I feel like I'm going crazy."

Oh yeah he knew what that was like.

"I don't even know who I am anymore." A finger trailed down his cock to find the opening behind his balls.

"And the dreams. You're not in them but they're all about you even so." Something warm and slick breached his anus. He tensed.

"It's OK, just relax." He felt movement and then exquisite joy. 
He reached for his erection but a hand caught his before he reached it.

"Oh no sweetness, not yet but soon." Tom positioned his hips between his legs and gave the commander a kiss that shattered him. While he was still reeling from the effect of Tom's mouth on his, a fullness invaded him.

"Oh gods Chak, you feel so good." Tom was inside him and moving.

The joy returned with each thrust of the man's hips. It was slow at first but it soon turned into a rhythm that matched pace with his furiously beating heart. He wrapped his legs around his lover to bring him in deeper.

"Oh fuck Chak!" He tightened his hold. "No, oh no not yet!"

Tom screamed and grabbed his cock, pumping it frantically. That's when his world exploded behind his eyes and reassembled itself into a new one.

Pulling himself and Tom up further on the bed, he found a pillow and placed it beneath his head. The pilot did his part, grabbing the blankets and drawing them up over their sweating bodies.

"You cheated."

"Did I Poocuh?"

"Yeah and not that I'm complaining or anything but I was supposed to be the one fucking you."

"You did."

"Then why do I feel like I was the one that has just been fucked?"

"I don't know but how about we do this again tomorrow in my bed and I'll show you the difference."

"You got it sweetness."

His lovers had called him many things but 'sweetness' was something new. It was something that he as the stronger partner would say as an endearment and having it said to him was strange. But then again this whole situation was strange. 

He was an alpha male struggling for ascendancy with another alpha male. He knew that Tom would fight his natural urge for dominance with his own and that it would make for a difficult relationship. Maybe one so difficult it wouldn't survive. He kissed the pilot's head and prayed to his spirit guide that it would.

He just hoped she was still somewhere listening to him.

######

Sweetness, he could get used to that.

After returning from two days planetside discussing Federation directives with the Affinity's council, he'd checked the computer for the lieutenant's location immediately on his return. He hadn't even visited his quarters before coming directly here. So here he sat at the bar in Sandrine's waiting for Tom to finish his pool game with Harry so he could hear the endearment again. 

Someone once said absence makes the heart grow fonder and the commander agreed that while it did that it also gave one time to get their head together. While he'd reluctantly enjoyed the local magistrate's hospitality on the planet surface he had time to bring his raging hormones under control and gain a better perspective of his relationship with the sensual blond.

Tom had driven him to brink of madness first sexually and now emotionally like no one had ever done before and it had blind-sided him. For six years he had worked beside him without thinking once about the blue of his eyes and the brightness of his smile. Why had one touch under an alien sky changed all that? And why did it have to be his touch?

He looked over at the object of his conundrum talking quietly with Harry and then at the other patrons of the bar. Like moths to a flame they were drawn to his golden light and many of them had touched that light, often. Tom's promiscuous lifestyle was only one of the facets of his nature that bothered him. His disdain for authority and his irreverent attitude were others. In effect he was the last person on Voyager he would consider building a life with but that's what he intended to do.

Call him traditional but he needed to bind the man to him both emotionally as well as physically. He couldn't believe he could have such a strong sexual need for someone he wouldn't be able to love. There had to be a balance between the two and since he accepted that despite the man's faults he still desired him, he would make it his mission to find it.

He was determined to fall in love with Tom Paris whether he wanted to or not.

********

"Voyager to Tom Paris."

"What?" He tore his gaze from the gorgeous man at the bar and looked at his best friend.

"It's your shot." Harry stepped back to give him room to shoot. "Unless of course you'd rather forfeit and answer the commander's beck and call?"

Beck and call? So what if every nerve in his body was singing at the man's presence in the bar it didn't mean he was going to drop everything to rush to his side. He was the commander's lover not his lapdog. He lined up his shot.

"He'll wait." He made his shot and missed. "Shit."

"You're going to make Chakotay wait?" Harry continued on, making no move to take his turn. "Man Tom you got balls. He's the first officer for crying out loud."

"Harry he's just a man." He was beginning to regret telling his friend about the other night.

"Just a man, yeah right." Harry stood closer to him and lowered his voice. "Do you have any idea what you're doing? Chakotay's not going to let you get away with your usual shit. If he decides you're his, that's what you'll be, no more playing around."

"What the hell do you mean if 'he' decides? Look I'm not saying I want anybody else, I don't but that's because I say so not because he does."

"That's not what people are going to think when they find out. They are going to think you've finally been captured and tamed."

"Tamed? Oh that's fucking rich Harry." He was having trouble keeping his voice down. "I'm a man not a wild animal to be domesticated."

"That's not what I meant."

"No?" 

He broke away from the ensign and returned his cue to the rack on the wall, telling himself that he was just tired of playing pool and not running to Chakotay.

"Forfeit."

"Tom." Harry grabbed his shoulder. "Look I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't know that it bothered you so much."

He took a deep breath to quiet his nerves. Why was it he always took his shit out on the best friend he had in the whole world? Harry wasn't trying to hurt him, he was only telling him how it was. He placed his hand over Harry's and touched it briefly.

"Yeah well it does but that's not your fault. Sorry, Har."

"Forget it, it was worth it for the rations."

"Rations?"

"Yeah you forfeited remember?"

Chakotay must really fucking with his head if he'd willing give up a pool game. Oh what the hell, Harry deserved it.

"Consider it your Christmas gift."

Winking at Harry he turned and set off for the bar, trying not to run.

********

"Hey sweetness."

Resisting the urge to lick the graceful lines of his tattoo, he took a seat beside Chakotay. He wasn't sure what the rules were here yet and touching the commander in public may not be one of them.

The big man smiled, letting loose his killer dimples. "Hello Poocuh."

His heart and his cheeks warmed at the endearment and he was happy that Chak felt it was OK to say that out in the open but how was he going to handle the rest of it? There was no way in hell he was going to let Chakotay lead him out of here like a lost puppy. A beer appeared in front him and staring into its foam, he took a sip and considered his options.

"Down on the planet I thought about you." He looked at the commander. Chakotay talked quietly and stared into his tea.

"And at night lying by myself in a borrowed bed I thought about how hard it was going to be with you." He played with the handle of his cup. "And I thought about what I was going to do."

Tom looked into his own drink and his concerns about his ego went out the viewport. Oh God please he be anything Chakotay wanted him to be, lapdog included but please don't let him regret the other night.

"So what are you going to do?"

Chakotay looked back at him and Tom willed the smile to return. It didn't.

"Make it work." His hand slid over the bar to rest on his. "If you're willing?"

Turning his hand, he squeezed his relief into the strong meaty palm and offered him a shy smile.

"Yeah."

And Hallelujah, the dimples returned and the commander smiled back. Can I get an Amen!

"Let's get out of here Poocuh." Chak rose from his chair, he didn't.

OK God I know I promised to be his lapdog but if there's another way of getting out here without looking like he owns me, I'd be real grateful. Chakotay sensed his hesitancy.

"What is it?"

"Chak we're sitting here in a public place holding hands. What are people going to think if you haul me out of here now?"

The commander not even giving the room a cursory glance stepped between his knees. His voice was a low growl.

"They'll probably think I'm going to take you home and have my way with you and they'd be right. So what?"

"So you don't care what they think?"

A proprietary hand slid up his thigh and around to his ass. "No."

"You're sure?" Tom draped his arms over his lover's shoulders casually.

Chak looked at him through dark lashes. "Yes, Tom I'm very sure."

"Good."

With that Tom took the lead and wrapped his long legs around Chakotay's waist. Ebony eyes flew open and sapphire ones closed as the pilot locked his lips on the commander's and kissed him. He tortured the man with his mouth until he felt a hardening bulge form against the crotch of his jeans. Pulling back Tom checked to see if the commander's eyes were sufficiently dazed and dilated before taking him by the hand and leading him off the holodeck.

As the doors swished closed, Tom heard clapping.

********

When they arrived at his quarters Chakotay set about teaching Tom that while it was OK to dominate him in public, it wouldn't be OK to do so in private.

Letting his arms fall to his sides the commander spoke firmly into the ear of the wanton plastered to his body.

"Bedroom, now."

Tom stopped his examination of the commander's tattoo and peered at him with suspicion.

"What aren't you gonna even offer me drink to get me in the mood?"

"You don't need a drink for that." He reached up and unwound the pilot's arms from his neck. "Move."

Piqued, Tom turned and started walking seductively in the direction of the sleeping area, throwing a smart assed comment over his shoulder. 

"My aren't we the demanding one tonight."

Chakotay answered back with the flat of his hand on the pilot's smart little ass.

"Hey!" He spun around rubbing his butt through his tight jeans.

Having had enough of the blond's stalling Chakotay stepped forward and threw the younger man over his shoulder.

"Chak put me down!"

"I will."

The doors of the bedroom swished open and he threw the man unceremoniously on the bed. Gone was the cocky chief pilot and in his place was a spoilt child lying on his back.

"What the fuck was that all about?"

He stood at the end of the bed and hovered over him. "Be quiet and listen to me."

"I 'was' moving." The voice was plaintive. "I was just trying to have a little fun."

Chakotay straddled him. "Tom just shut up and listen!" He pulled his long arms over his head and pinned his hands to mattress. Satisfied the pilot was done whining he began.

"I understand what happened in Sandrine's and it doesn't bother me. When we're in public and off duty you can treat me as you would any other of your conquests. However when we are alone I want you to understand that the pageantry and pomp doesn't impress me and you will respect me and my wishes."

Tom eyed him speculatively.

"You want me to obey you."

"Yes."

"You're my lord and master."

"Yes."

Tom nodded and then in a sudden movement bucked his hips throwing him backward on his ass to the floor. He jumped off the bed and towered over him.

"Well fuck you Chakotay! Who the hell died and made you king!"

Anger did wonderful things to pilot's appearance. His face flushed and his blue eyes blazed brilliantly. Spirits he was beautiful. This was the real Tom Paris not some spineless dandy and he was surprised that this was the one he wanted. He growled low in his throat.

"Come here."

"No."

Tom shook his head defiantly causing his beautiful golden hair to fall over his brow wildly. He had to have this beauty now. Chakotay leaned forward and hooked his fingers behind the knees of the angered blond hitting his reflex.

"What the…."

Tom's legs buckled and he fell against his chest. Not giving the man time to recover, the first officer rolled pinning him by the wrists. Blue eyes flashed at him as the slender form writhe beneath him rousing Chakotay's cock to hardness.

"Get the fuck off me Chakotay."

Before that raging mouth could say any more he descended on it. He parted the lips with his tongue and explored its sweet depths. It wasn't long before he was getting as good as he gave and he pulled back. Tom's eyes were closed.

"Do you still want me to get up?"

Tom lay still and quiet, too quiet.

"Poocuh?"

"I'm thinking." After a few moments he spoke again. "I'm done."

Eyes as deep and as blue as an ocean peered up at him.

"Fuck me." 

His lips bent into an impish grin. 

"Master."

********

"Yours!"

He screamed the epithet as Chakotay rammed into his ass.

"Again!" The commander reached around him to stroke his near bursting penis and he saw stars. In a daze he answered the first officer not knowing if he said the words aloud or not.

"Yours, only yours."

"Mine." It sounded almost feral when Chakotay said it.

Tom clutched at the bedclothes for leverage lifting his ass to meet his lover's powerful thrusts. The movements were deep and forceful but controlled as Chakotay took care to ensure that his prostate was brushed with each penetration. The commander made every encounter he'd had as a bottom before seem like boyhood fumblings. He started to go blind with pleasure.

Wanting to take the commander with him, Tom squeezed his anal muscles as he came. Chakotay's precision faltered and he roared.

Holding on to the sheets for dear life, he withstood a final lunge before Chak collapsed trembling over his back. The extra weight caused his legs to let go and he fell forward into the pillow.

Hearing his even breathing, Tom pulled Chakotay around him and followed him into the realm of dreams.

********

"You're a Pekingese?"

The wolf's head tipped to the side.

"Yeah, we both sit on command and like lying around in the laps of kings."

"Oh and do you do tricks?" She was cute when she tried to be funny. Well cute as a screwball figment of his imagination could be anyway. He leaned forward touching his nose to hers first for once.

"Yeah the best. Ask Chakotay."

"OK let's go."

She spun, flicking him in the nose with her tail and headed into the gloom of the forest.

"Go?"

He stood and walked to the edge of the clearing trying to get a glimpse of her silver coat through the trees. Damn but it was dark in there. He yelled into the blackness.

"You really are a nutbar if you think I'm stupid enough to go in there!"

As he stood debating on whether or not to follow the crazy wolf, small lights began to glow on the forest floor illuminating a path.

"Oh fuck." He said to nobody in particular as he started forward joining the trail.

********

"I've been busy."

"Busy? Busy doing what?"

He sat cross-legged in the middle of the plateau trying to figure out what that was supposed to mean. A warm wind rose up from the depths of the cliff behind him and hot sun shone down on his body clad in its usual loose trousers and leather arm band.

"Yes. The world, including the spirit one doesn't revolve around you Chakotay son of Kolopak."

Afraid of offending the she wolf, he put the respect back in his voice.

"Of course not. It's just that these last few days I could have used your counsel."

She accepted his silent apology and came closer to him.

"I don't know about that. It seems you've done pretty well on your own."

"No I haven't." He wrapped his arms about his mid-section. "I've been angry, confused and in need of answers. My life has been turned upside down."

"Yeah just like everybody else's on Voyager. Look as a friend of mine is fond of saying 'you just have to roll with it' Chakotay."

"Roll with it?"

"Yeah I know it's sound trite but it's also true." She sat down in front of him.

"I know you've had lots of questions you wanted to ask me but believe it or not I didn't have the answers, you did."

"Me?"

"Yeah to most of them anyway. Nobody knows all the answers, that's what faith is for. You have to learn to accept things as they are and then move on."

Her ears perked to a sound in the brush.

"And here comes your biggest answer now."

"Does the word 'turbolift' mean anything to you!"

Emerging from the rainforest naked as the day he was born and looking absolutely glorious was Tom and for the first time something stirred in his breast first before his groin. His eyes were opened and that's when it happened. He had an epiphany and saw the light, a golden one with blue eyes.

Whatever power he'd been afraid of losing was reflected back in the beautiful blond pilot. It hadn't been lost; no it had found a home in Tom and had been amplified ten fold.

"Chak? What are you doing in my dream?"

The wolf answered for him. Which was just as well as he couldn't seem to find his voice at the moment.

"I believe we covered that earlier."

"OK, OK so it's not mine." Then Tom walked forward and did something amazing to Chakotay. He touched the wolf, running his fingers down the length of her back. The familiarity told him that Tom had been here before and it also answered his previous question about his guide's where abouts of late.

"So what's up then?"

"It's time Thomas to claim what is yours."

"Is he real?" Tom motioned his head towards him. "I mean when I wake up, is he gonna remember all this?"

"Yes." With her muzzle his guide pushed the pilot in his direction. "Now go."

Tom approached him and sat down beside him mimicking his crossed-legged style.

"Hi."

"Hello Tom."

"OK here goes nothing." He sat up straight and tall. "I'm here to claim what you owe me."

"What's that?"

"Your life. It's mine and I want it."

It was the oath. In the last years he forgotten about it and was more than a little surprised and a little hurt to hear Tom bring up the old wound now. He was about to say so when the pilot brought his hands up to quiet him.

"Before you say anything let me say this first. I'm willing to trade you for it and to give you back something in compensation."

"Like what?" There was nothing the man could give him that would make him give up his being.

"My life."

Except that.

"I love you Chakotay and I want to share my life you." His slender fingers caressed the braided band on his arm. "I know I might be getting the better end of the deal here but I promise to spend the rest of my life making up for it."

Tom Paris loved him and he loved Tom Paris. His guide was right. This was the answer. He removed the pilot's fingers from the band and undid the knot that held it there.

"Deal." He took the worn braided circlet, a gift from his mother and transferred it to blond's arm. Tom touched it gingerly and gave him a smile that warmed his whole being.

"I love you too Poocuh." And as he reached for his epiphany he woke.

********

"Will I see you again?"

The she wolf curled around his body and rested her head in his lap.

"If you need me."

"You really belong to Chakotay don't you?" He stroked the fur behind her ear.

"I don't belong to anyone Thomas." She looked up at him. "Just like you."

He sighed and looked at the sun setting behind the treetops on the horizon, fingering the band on his arm. She was only half-right. His heart definitely wasn't his anymore it belonged to Chakotay.

"OK, OK so I can't be right all the time." She stood and tapped his nose with hers. "Give a spirit a break will ya?"

"For you anything!" He laughed. He was really going to miss the crazy old wolf.

Running the length of her smooth coat against his bare shoulder, she saw his thoughts. "Crazy or not I'll miss you too Thomas."

And with one last look from her gray eyes she turned and melted back into the forest. Tom watched her go and his heartfelt thanks going out to her retreating figure.

"You're welcome Thomas."

********

"Good Morning Poocuh."

He snuggled under the covers and deeper into the man he loved arms.

"Hey sweetness."

Chakotay rolled his eyes at the endearment and Tom filed the reaction away for later reference. On the bridge perhaps?

"I think she really liked you."

Did he remember? He held his breath.

"And what about you?"

The commander pulled the covers down, bunching them at their waists. Chak kissed his nose and ran his hand over his shoulder stopping at his bicep.

"I love you." Chakotay said as he tweaked the newly inherited leather band on his "Poocuh's" arm. Tom covered the hand with his own.

"I love you too."

And the spirits smiled but they didn't howl because after all a girl's still gotta have her pride.

THE END