Q Love

by Cheryl Forbes

Email for feedback: forbesc@skyia.com

Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew are the property of Paramount and not me. Whatever.

Summary: Tom gets two offers, neither of which he can refuse.

"They're here."

Chakotay leaned over to Tom in the darkness.

"Who's here?"

"Hush Chak and watch the movie." His date replied without bothering to turn his head.

Shrugging his shoulders, he sat back in his seat and looked up at the screen where a little blond hair girl was sitting in front of what looked like an over size version of a computer monitor.

It must be a good film because the 20th century style theatre was full to the brim with members of Voyager's crew and Tom was totally engrossed. Chakotay tried again to see the attraction but failed. He supposed he was either spoilt by the 24th century holodeck or the nearness of the young blond beside him. Chakotay redirected his gaze to the image he really wanted to watch.

This was their second date and tonight had been Tom's choice. Chakotay would have preferred a quiet dinner alone in his quarters to being on the holodeck with fifty other people but he had deferred to the pilot's request that they take things slowly. Perhaps Tom was not as sure about embarking on a romantic relationship as he was.

It had come to him one maudlin night while lying alone in his bed staring at the ceiling tiles. Voyager was the last home he'd ever have. He'd been in the Delta quadrant for seven years now and at the rate things were going, he would probably live out remainder of his life here never seeing the green forests of Dorvan V again. The loss of his tribe saddened him to the point of melancholy and he was sick to death of the feeling. 

So as he saw it, he had two choices. He could either waste more time grieving over his lost family or accept his circumstances and start his own here on Voyager. The prospect of love and children was infinitely more appealing and for the first time in a very long while Chakotay felt something more than sorrow. 

A different kind of hope that had nothing to do with the tired one of finding a way home had infused his soul. Now all he had to do is find someone on board to share it with. That would be the hard part. He had almost become depressed again when he reviewed his short list of prospective mates.

Kathryn was married to her job, B'Elanna was like a daughter to him, Samantha had a husband and Seven was a cold fish. There other women to choose from but he couldn't envision sharing his life with any of them. He needed someone who understood the importance of family and could make him smile. There was someone who had both requirements but unfortunately he wasn't a she.

Tom Paris was a man with a linage that could be traced back before warp technology on Earth and was the one person on Voyager that never let Chakotay take himself too seriously. He also had the added bonus of not being too bad to look at. The only disadvantage the pilot presented was that he was anatomically incapable of giving him children. However Chakotay reasoned thinking about the pilot's long limbs and blue eyes, he could find another way to start a family. He had asked Tom out the next day.

In a quiet back booth in Sandrine's he'd made known his intentions to a startled chief helmsman. It had been a risk to put everything out on the table at once but if the pilot wasn't amenable to his plans, he wanted to know at the outset. He had already wasted seven years of his life and was not prepared to spend time on a fruitless relationship.

After recovering from his shock and making a joke about his romantic wiles, Tom had cautiously agreed to his plan with the concession that Chakotay had to court him to ensure they were properly suited. It had been an acceptable trade off so here he was in the dark with his future husband without any hope of intimacy. It had surprised him how important that had become in the last twenty-four hours.

Once he accepted that the younger man was the logical choice for a lifemate his well ordered mind had quickly jumped tracks to the mating part. All day on the bridge he'd been conscious of the graceful way Tom moved and how it made him feel. The half turn of his head as he listened to an order over his shoulder and the play of his long slender fingers over the conn as he executed it, caused his breath to quicken and his heart to thump hard in his chest. 

A few times Kathryn caught his reaction but he had belayed her questions by mouthing the word 'later', fully intending to give her a complete explanation. Through the ship's efficient and well-oiled grapevine she would hear rumors but as his commanding officer and friend she deserved to hear the story from him. All of it, including how beautiful the pilot's face looked basked in the flickering light of the horror film. Chakotay smiled and sighed.

Tom heard the small noise and turned finally noticing his lack of interest in the movie. Lowering his head and his voice, he spoke.

"You're missing the best parts you know."

"That's debatable." He replied in a hushed voice as he moved his face closer to Tom's.

"Am I that fascinating?"

Forgoing words for actions, Chakotay closed the gap between them and answered him with light brush of his mouth. When he pulled back the pilot's eyes were closed.

"Do that again." Tom whispered without opening his eyes.

Parting his mouth a fraction, he caressed the pilot's lips with soft kisses. Gently he nipped and sucked relishing his unique taste. When he felt a warm hand in his lap he broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Tom's.

"I think that's enough for now." He said breathlessly after capturing the questing hand between his thighs.

"Hmmm. You're good."

"Thank you."

"Much better than popcorn."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing. Let's finish watching the movie."

Before he had a chance to object, Tom rested his head on his shoulder, stole back his hand and wove his fingers into his. Within seconds he was once again mesmerized by the images on the big screen.

********

Tom had forgotten how much he loved just holding hands.

He hadn't felt it since his Academy days but Chakotay had wonderfully reminded him of that simple joy tonight. It didn't matter that the big man had just been trying to stop his groping fingers, he hadn't let go and now they were half way to his quarters. It was still early and not a few heads turned as they walked silently savouring the easy contact down the corridor.

Of course people had been staring at them all night. It wasn't everyday two of Voyager's bridge officers were seen on a date together, and within the ship's isolated community that was big news. By this time tomorrow everyone would know and then the questions would come. It was a good thing he knew the answers. He'd known them for seven years because he had been in love with Chakotay for just about that long.

If asked, he couldn't give an exact date when his feelings had gone into warp drive. It was just something he lived with during the day and dreamed about at night in quiet agony. Besides not ever showing interest, the handsome older man was out of his league socially and never once did Tom think he'd have a chance to be with someone like him. Chakotay was the cream where he was the dregs.

So when the honorable commander had asked to marry him last night in Sandrine's, Tom had naturally thought he was sleep walking. It hadn't been exactly how the scenario was played out in his dreams, Chakotay was usually naked and begging but it had been pretty damn close. It had taken him a moment to absorb the fact that he really was awake and that the first officer was dead serious.

Methodically and succinctly Chakotay had detailed his reasons for wanting the union and why he had selected him. It had seemed more like a business than a marriage proposal, a fact he'd commented on but he had accepted never the less. All he had asked for in return now that he could, was a little romance before the wedding. That had puzzled the first officer but in the end he had agreed and tonight he had spectacularly lived up to his end of the bargain. 

"We're here." Chakotay said in the same tone as Carol Anne had proving that he had been doing more than watching him.

"Yeah so we are." Suddenly feeling nervous, he leaned back against the wall beside the door. In an instant Chakotay's hands were on his hips and he was standing closed enough to him that when he spoke, Tom could feel his breath.

The commander kissed his cheek softy. "Can I come in?"

Oh how he wanted to say yes but now that fiction was becoming reality it was overwhelming. It was all happening so fast and he needed one more day to acclimate. He was sure that if he let Chakotay touch him now, he'd embarrass himself before he got his dick out of his pants and that wouldn't be cool. 

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"But I'm sure it is." The commander leaned in and let him feel his length of his certainty against his hip. Tom had never felt so much 'certainty' in one place.

"Tomorrow, can we do this tomorrow?" He stammered.

Chakotay hooked his fingers into the belt loops of his jeans and tugged them making Tom very aware of his own erection. "But I want you tonight."

"You're going to have me your whole life, is one more day too long to wait?"

"No, I suppose not." He chuckled and kissed a trail down his cheek stopping at his mouth. Once there, Chakotay parted his lips with his tongue and delved inside. Unlike in the theatre, this kiss had more hunger, more need and heedless of where they were, Tom responded by running his palms up the older man's shirt and wrapping his arms around his neck to bring him closer. Chakotay moaned into his mouth at his surrender and pushed him harder against the wall. It was only when the pushing became pumping did Tom break the embrace. Bringing his hands back down he grasped the commander's face and separated their mouths. 

"Chak we're in the hall." He glanced over his over eager companion's shoulder at his fellow crewmates. No one had actually stopped to gawk but they we're slowing down. "We're putting on a show out here."

"Then let's go inside." The commander growled low in his throat.

It was a very tempting offer. After just a small taste of what Chakotay could do with his lips, he was now very much in the mood for the rest of him but that had been the point of his little display, hadn't it? The first officer had more devil in him than Tom had originally thought.

"Good try big guy."

Chakotay shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "Tell me it almost worked and I'll go."

"It did."

"Then why do you want me to leave? I could make you feel so good Tom Paris."

"You already do but I'm not ready to take all of you just yet. I think I'd explode if I saw you naked right now."

"If you're trying to dissuade me you're not doing a very good job. The fact that our touching effects you so strongly, makes me want to throw you over my shoulder and take you to my cabin if I can't get into yours."

Oh shit why the hell was he fighting this? So he'd cream his jeans, big fucking deal. It was evident to him now that Chakotay would be flattered not appalled. He was about to open his mouth to invite him inside when a comm badge went off. It wasn't his.

"Janeway to Chakotay."

The commander swore under his breath and then hit his chest.

"Yes Kathryn what can I do for you?"

"Well when you're finished 'doing' my chief pilot in the corridor, I'd like to see you in my ready room."

How the hell had she known? Some envious person must have squealed.

Chakotay smiled then kissed his cheek softly. It impressed Tom that the captain didn't intimidate him. "I'll be there shortly Kathryn." He kissed him again this time at little closer to his mouth. "I'm almost done."

"Fine Chakotay. Just be aware that the longer you make me wait, the more I'll want to know. Janeway out."

The captain had barely signed off before the commander was at him again kissing his lips and grinding his pelvis. The pleasure of knowing that his future husband was attracted to him, even if he didn't love him surged through Tom's body making him tingle all over. He was beginning to feel his orgasm gather his skittering nerve endings up into one place when Chakotay broke the embrace.

"I've got to go Tom." He wheezed.

"Come back to me afterwards?"

An eyebrow went up. "Really?"

Through his shirt, Tom rubbed the balls of his hands over Chakotay's erect nipples messing up his breathing more. "Really, really." He whispered.

"I won't be long." He gulped. "I promise this will be the shortest meeting in the history of Voyager."

"Then you'd better go now and get it started cause the longer you make 'me' wait the more I'll want to know 'you'."

"Oh spirits." Chakotay moaned and then finally let him go. After one more quick kiss, he jogged down the hall towards the turbo lift.

Tom watched until he was out of sight and then rolled his body lazily from the bulkhead and into his quarters. Once inside, he called up the cabin's lighting and that's when he saw him.

"Hi Helmboy."

********

Necking like teenagers in the hallway and not aware of anyone but each other.

Getting comfortable on the lounge, Kathryn smiled as she remembered the first time she had been so totally swept away by another person. It had been along time ago in another lifetime but it was still fresh in her mind. That wonderful feeling of discovery mixed with desire didn't fade. It was always with you on some level and every once in a while something triggered it to bring it out renewed. That was what had happened when the vision of Tom and Chakotay kissing in the corridor had flashed over her efficiency reports on her terminal.

She wasn't sure who had rigged the small show but didn't really care except maybe to thank them. Seeing the erotic performance had brightened a depressing evening of reading about Voyager's chronically low energy reserves. It was only when the finale threatened that she had regretfully stopped it. Curiously her screen had reverted back to it previously discouraging content as soon as she had commed Chakotay. The doors of her ready room swished opened and a flushed commander entered.

"I can explain." He said striding up to the couch before she had a chance to greet him hello.

"Is that so? Fine then. Tell me why you were dry humping my pilot in front of half the crew." She said in her sternest, most captain like voice. She wasn't angry but he didn't have to know that. It would be enjoyable to make him sweat awhile before she let him off the hook. She was feeling good and up for a bit of fun. Chakotay sat down beside her.

"I wasn't."

"You weren't?"

"OK I was but I had good reason to."

"You were horny?" She offered with a silly grin giving herself away.

"No! Well yes," Her first officer admitted with a repentant half smile catching on. "But I couldn't help it. Ever since Tom accepted my proposal, touching him is all I think about."

"Your proposal?" Playtime was over. "As in a marriage proposal?"

"But I promise it won't happen again. I understand as first officer, that if I'm to maintain the respect of the crew, such public displays of affection are unacceptable." Chakotay the clever man that he was, replied stoically as he ignored her question. Kathryn kicked herself mentally knowing should know better than to play games with the sardonic commander. He continued his false apology. "My duty to Voyager…-"

"Oh screw your duty!" She screamed interrupting him. "Did you, or did you not ask Tom Paris to marry you!"

"What? Oh yes, I suppose I did."

"And he said?" She was dying here.

A grin so large it was big enough for two people split his face. "He said yes Kathryn. I asked him last night and for a moment I thought he was going to refuse me, I mean the question was pretty much out of the blue but after the shock left him, he said yes."

"I understand the shocked part. I didn't even know you were dating."

"Tonight was our second date."

"I don't believe it. You proposed on the first date?"

"Yes. I decided to be happy and that he was only one that could do that for me."

"Do you love him Chakotay?"

"I think I will." The smile left his face and lowering his eyes he replied softly more to himself than to her. "No, I know I will."

A million warnings came to mind at his unconventional proposal but in the end there really was only one thing that needed to be said.

"Congratulations."

"Thank you Kathryn. Now if you'll excuse me, my date's not over yet."

"Think again Chuckles." Came a voice she hoped she'd never hear again in her lifetime. Kathryn looked over to her desk where a Starfleet Admiral in full dress uniform sat lounging back on one hand and sighed.

"Q."

********

"Security. Intruder Alert!"

Tom slapped his badge and started to repeat the message and then stopped.

"I'm wasting my time, aren't I?" He said to his unwanted guest sprawled out on the lounge.

"Yes but by all means continue. I like listening to the sound of your voice when you're excited."

"Lucky me."

"Oh you don't know the half of it yet."

Giving up on Tuvok coming to his rescue, Tom walked over to one end of couch and flopped down barely missing a set of omnipotent feet.

"OK, you got me. Now what do you want?"

"Your undying love and devotion."

"What? You've got to be kidding."

"Actually, I am. All I really want is your body."

Tom stared at the being at the other end of the lounge. The last time he'd seen him he'd been an adolescent and now two months later he appeared to be a young man breaking into his twenties.

"What for?"

The lithe brunette beside him rolled his eyes. "Sex silly. Father was right. You're not a particularly bright species but you are fascinating."

"Oh stop. Any more compliments like that and I might proposition you."

"That's sarcasm right? You know you're better than Icheb at it. I like it."

"Whatever. Now if were done here,"

"We haven't even started."

"And we're not going to. I'm not going to have sex with you Junior."

"You're turning me down? I'm the closest thing a scrawny little bipedal like you will ever get to a touching a god."

"Give the boy a prize. He got it one." Tom stood up to show Q to the door, not that he would use it but it was the thought that counted.

"But you haven't even heard the advantages of having a Q as a lover."

"I don't need to. I'm not interested."

"Or the disadvantages for others if you don't. Have you ever tried to breathe without air Helmboy?"

That got his attention real quick. When it was only his welfare that he had to be concerned about he could afford to be flippant. However it was a different story if it involved Voyager's crew. Chakotay's handsome face came instantly to mind.

"Hurting my friends is not going to make me want you."

"Then don't make me Tom Paris." Q said making a production of using his proper name. "It will only be for a little while. I'm sure I'll get bored of you in a day or two."

"Can I speak to my captain first?"

Chakotay was really the one he wanted to discuss this with but he didn't want to chance focusing the young Q's attention on his future husband. The captain was safe because the annoying life form would expect that he would want to consult with her. 

"Why? It won't change anything. You do realize my asking was a courtesy not a choice. You're mine until I say you're not."

"How fucking romantic."

"I can be. I'm Q. I can be anything." He wined. Tom made a mental note that even if he was supposed to be an all-powerful being he could still act like a spoilt five year old when provoked. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing remained to be seen.

"Not if you think duress is a big turn on. Rape doesn't exactly get me hot Junior."

"I am aware of your primitive social practices of flowers and foreplay. You will want me."

Tom took a second look at the Continuum's newest member partly to give him an incredulous glare and partly to check him out more thoroughly. 

A green silk tunic that matched his large expressive eyes and snug black pants that displayed his long legs to advantage covered his finely toned body. Junior was attractive young man and if he hadn't gotten the offer of his lifetime last night, Tom might have considered sleeping with him without the threats. Guilt at his last thought made him look away and walk over to the replicator. 

"You want me already don't you?" Q said behind him as he called up a beer from the unit.

"No." I want Chakotay he finished to himself silently still facing away.

"Oh please don't tell me you prefer the oaf that was mauling you in the hallway."

Tom spun around sharply from the replicator and threw his bottle in the direction of the insulting remark. Q caught it deftly in one hand angering him more.

"Don't you ever call him that again! His name is Chakotay and yes if you want to know the truth, he's the one I want not some adolescent with his first hard on!"

"Hey!" Junior bolted upright on the couch. "I'll have you know that I've fucked more species than someone with your unimaginative encephalon ever will!"

"Then why the hell do you want me?"

"Because!"

"And you call me unimaginative." Feeling more himself after seeing Q lose his cool, he walked over and retrieved his beer from the spoilt brat. "Here's the deal. I screw you and you leave my friends alone. Got it?"

"You're being very presumptuous. I am a Q. I don't need your permission."

"No but I do think you want my cooperation and even maybe my enthusiasm." Tom guessed correctly seeing the hazel eyes light up with excitement. He took a long sip of his beer. "And one more thing."

"You're awfully demanding for a barely sentient life form." 

The superior attitude had returned but now Tom knew how to handle it. The admiral always said he was smart son of bitch.

"You ever hear of a dead fuck Junior."

"You'd just lie there and do nothing while I touched you?"

"Yep." Tom took another sip. He was almost enjoying this. Making a god feel mortal was a power trip.

"OK, OK what's your one more thing?" He replied with barely hidden panic.

"Nobody, not the captain, Chakotay or even little Naomi Wildman finds out about us."

"That could be a problem."

A sense of foreboding hit Tom. "What the hell do you mean, a problem?"

"My father's paying Aunt Kathy your dowry as we speak."

Tom dropped the bottle.

********

"Hello Kathy." Q grunted. "Tonto."

"What do you want Q." The captain replied tersely holding him back with a light touch on his arm.

"What? No how have you been, it's nice to see you? Really Kathy, I think your job's getting to you. Or maybe it's the company you've been keeping." He added with another uncomplimentary glance in his direction.

If the omnipotent asshole were anybody else, Chakotay would have used him like a punching bag. Unfortunately besides not being very professional, Q probably wouldn't feel a damn thing. If he wanted to get best of the irritating being he would have to simply appear unaffected by his barbs.

"I repeat. What do you want?"

"Want moi? Nothing, in fact I'm in the giving mood this evening and have brought you a little gift. Christmas has come early this year for Voyager."

Shifting on the desk, he spun around the terminal screen so both he and the captain could see it. A power efficiency report was displayed but something about it didn't appear quite right. They both left the lounge to get a better look.

"Electro plasma levels are at max, the warp intermix formula is perfectly balanced and the bio-neural gel-packs have be rejuvenated." Kathryn read from the screen. "What is this Q? A joke?"

"No. You wouldn't get one of my jokes."

Chakotay tapped the console. The bastard was right. The increased energy levels were real. "Then it's some kind of trick."

Q looked at him with impatience. "If I threw a stick, would you go away?"

Chakotay clenched his right fist. Maybe one punch wouldn't hurt. The captain stepped between them before he found out. 

"What's the catch?" She asked.

"Catch? Can't a fellow give a present to his best girl? Oh Kathy I'm hurt. I really am."

"Stow it. What do you want?"

"Nothing much and only for a few days. Actually it isn't even for me."

"Q!"

"Alright, alright. Tom Paris."

Oh this was too much. First he insults me and then he wants buy my fiancé. "Are you crazy?"

"No more like a sociopath but fortunately for you Tonto, an apathetic one. I'd kill you if I cared."

"That's enough!" Kathryn turned the terminal towards Q who was still sitting on the edge of her desk. "Put it back the way it was. Now!"

"But Kathy with that much power you won't have to refuel for months." When he saw that gambit hadn't worked, he tried something else. "Don't you even want to know why?"

"No, it doesn't matter. The price is too high. You cannot have my helmsman."

"Well personally between you and me and the tattooed fencepost, Helmboy isn't my type." He tried to touch her cheek but she shied from his fingers. Q continued on with a pout. "However your godson is another matter. It seems the boy has taken a fancy to the pilot. I tried to talk him out of it but you know kids are Kathy, in one ear and out the other."

"I don't give a damn about your parenting problems Q. You can't give Lieutenant Paris to the boy. Tom is a person not a child's toy."

"Wrong on both counts. Junior has grown up since you've last saw him and from what I've seen tonight, Helmboy can be a lot of fun to play with. Isn't that right Tonto?"

It was at that moment, when the reality of what the younger Q wanted from Tom sunk in that Chakotay's anger turned to revulsion. These alleged princes of the universe who claimed to be the masters of time, space, energy and matter were nothing but grotesque monsters to him and the Continuum was the unholy realm that held them. The thought of one of their blasphemous ilk touching, kissing or worse, he wouldn't let his mind go that far, his lifemate repulsed him. He could not, would not let that happen. Chakotay pushed past his captain to stand directly in front of the self-effacing demon.

"The answer is no. Tom Paris will not service your evil spawn."

"It's not up to you."

"You're right, it's up to Tom and he will not agree."

"News flash Tonto. He already has."

********

"I want to talk to Commander Chakotay."

It was bad enough that the captain was aware what was going on but Tom was horrified that Chak might also know. He was on his way to her so he probably did, and in that case Tom needed to make him understand why he was doing this. He did realize it would have to be an impassionate explanation because Q would hear it too and anything else would be too dangerous.

"Why? He's only going to try to talk you out of being with me."

"Of course he will. He's a smart man and he's also my, my," Tom stumbled over that one. Little Q knew he was involved with Chakotay but Tom wasn't sure of the extent of his knowledge. He was still concerned about making the commander a target.

"He's your lover. Big deal. I'm going to be. Bigger deal."

So the Q weren't mind readers or omniscient. Junior had automatically assumed from their sexual display in the corridor that they had already consummated their relationship. With a glance he couldn't peer into his mind to see his love and for that Tom was infinitely thankful. Q's ignorance kept Chak safe. 

"OK fine then we'll let the grapevine do its work but I would like to speak to the captain to let her know I'm OK."

"Agreed but first you have to get naked."

"What for?"

"As a show of your good faith."

Knowing Junior was more interested in the show than the faith, Tom nodded and positioned himself in the middle of the room. He could have argued but what was the point. In a snap of his fingers the powerful being could strip him as well as a lot of other nastier things he didn't want to think about. It was best just to concentrate on his own source of power and Q's weakness to it. The young man's need and his ability to fulfill it was the only way to protect the ones he loved. 

He kicked off his shoes and then turned around to bend over and remove his socks. Displaying himself like an Orion slave girl wasn't enjoyable but he could get through it if he thought of something pleasant, like the feel of Chakotay's lips. Behind him, he heard Junior whistle.

"Nice butt for a corporeal."

Tom turned back to face him. "So what do I call you?" He asked undoing the buttons of his shirt. It was as much as he asked any other one night stand. "Junior, Q, or maybe J R?"

"J R? Too many letters."

Tom pulled his shirttails slowly out of from his jeans. He wasn't in any rush. "OK, so how's about just J?"

"Fine. You're going too slowly." And in a snap and a flash, he was butt naked.

Tom looked down at himself and giggled in spite of his dire dilemma. So much for stalling, the newly named Q was an impatient little deity. When he looked back up it was into a pair of hungry green eyes that chilled him to the bone and choked the laugher from his throat. This was not going to be your every day fuck and it was best he didn't forget that.

"Come here Tom Paris."

Swallowing hard he walked over to the couch and stood before his captor with his flaccid penis at eye level. With a clinical hand J lifted the limp organ from where it rested over his balls and examined it closely. Tom bit his bottom lip during the inspection.

"Not bad but I was hoping for more."

"It gets bigger." His ego answered promptly.

"Really how much?"

"When erect its twenty one centimeters long and about 17 in girth."

"That's above average for your species isn't?"

"I suppose. I don't usually go around measuring other guy's dicks."

"I'd like to see it erect." J snapped his fingers but nothing happened. Tom was surprised then relieved that his powers didn't extend that far. The failure renewed his confidence.

"I guess you can't control everything. If you want me hard you'll have to suck me like any other scrawny bipedal." 

Tom supposed he could have been nicer but he suspected that that young Q would get off on his rudeness. It had been his experience that normally dominate men secretly yearned to be submissive and from the gleam of avarice in J's eyes, he saw his instincts were right.

"Would you get hard if I took your cock in my mouth Tom?"

"Yes. Now stop talking and just fucking do it."

Now was the tough part. He could talk the talk but could he walk the walk? As J's mouth opened and his lips graced the head of his cock, one thought came to mind.

Think Chak.

********

"Yes. Now stop talking and just fucking do it."

Now he was sure it was Tom. When he had first heard the voice ringing through the ready room he had paid more attention to what was being said than to who was saying it.

"Oh my god. Is that Mr Paris?" Kathryn looked to him for confirmation. She paled when he nodded and then nearly fell over when Tom resumed talking.

"Yes that's right take it all. Now suck me. Ohhh yeah, like that, yeah oh fuck, just like that. Ohhh, ohhh, ohhh, -" 

The rest of the conversation dwindled into the intelligible. Nobody, not him, the captain or Q spoke. They all stood silently captivated by the sound of the pilot's moans of pleasure. When Tom's cries became more intensive, it shook Chakotay from his fugue. 

"Turn it off Q!" He ordered before the audio reached its logical conclusion. If he had to hear the younger man come, it would be by his hand and in his presence. 

"I can't!" The omnipotent bastard yelled back at him. "I'm not doing it!"

"Then shield the room or snap us out of here! Anything!" Kathryn cried out beside him stealing his attention. Looking sideways at his captain Chakotay tried not to notice that her cheeks were flushed and her breathing was erratic.

"Which one! Oh no wait," Q cocked his head to one side. "Hear that? I think it's over."

Silence captured the ready room's inhabitants once again as a disembodied cry echoed off the bulkheads.

"Chaaa!"

********

Oh fuck he was coming.

Unable to fight the urge, Tom threw his head back and screamed out Chakotay's name, or what he'd believed was a reasonable facsimile as his essence pulsed from him. A greedy mouth sucked him dry and then released his spent cock. Freed, Tom fell to the couch with the commander's face set firmly behind his closed lids.

"Go head." Came an amused voice next to him shattering his fantasy. Tom peeped an eye open. Fuck! It was the frog and not the prince.

"I don't know what they call it where you come from Junior but I just did."

"Yes and you tasted wonderful but that's not what I meant." J leaned over kissed him loudly. Tom would have moved but his limbs felt like lead. It was always that way for him after he had an orgasm. "What I meant is go head and speak to your captain. She's been waiting for the last five minutes."

Oh shit that was what that snap was for. It wasn't to bring him erect but to open a comm link and that meant, oh fuck.

"Captain are you there?"

"Yes Mr Paris." She paused. "Are you alright?"

Was she out of her mind? He'd just let a Q give him a blowjob practically in front of his fiancé so no. He wasn't fucking all right because just he'd disqualified himself from ever becoming Chakotay's husband. After giving Junior a glare that would have killed a Klingon, Tom gathered his nerve and his pride and answered his captain.

"I'm fine Ma'am. Are you alone?" Please, please say yes. Tom squeezed his eyes shut as he waited for her to reply.

"No. The commander and Q are with me." 

Fantastic and now for the next terrifying question. "How, how much did you hear?"

"Tom we all understand that what you did, you were forced to do."

Well that answered that. He was officially single again. It didn't matter that what the captain said was true. Chakotay may understand his actions on an intellectual level but in his heart he would never forgive them. And if by some miracle of faith he did, he would never let a man who allowed a Q to give him head to become a part of his family. It was public knowledge that the commander hated the Continuum and everyone touched by it and by the time this night was over, Tom knew he would be again, literally. It would be foolish to think that Junior was done with him.

"Tom, it's Chakotay." There was no disgust in the older man's voice, just concern.

"Hi Chak. How are you?" Oh that was lame.

"I'm here and I still plan on coming back."

"Really?"

"Really, really." Tom could almost hear his dimples blooming. Sometimes miracles did happen.

If they were anywhere else, he would have told Chakotay he loved him. Unfortunately right now he was starring in his own personal horror movie, and a little too busy to tell the older man his feelings of the last seven years. After the credits had run and the cast had gone home, Tom promised to himself that they would have their own private wrap up party.

"Chak?"

"Yes Tom?"

"I'll be waiting."

********


Where no man had gone before.

Or perhaps he should say 'come before'. Tom laughed aloud at the thought and then quickly covered his mouth as hysteria threatened. It was over. Q was gone and he was left alone in his bed shaking with fear and confusion. Tom wrapped his arms about himself in an effort to stop his shivering and began to rock.

If the sex had been brutal and savage, he could have handled that. He would hate J and have no problem facing Chakotay but it hadn't gone that way and perhaps in the beginning that had been his fault. He had been the one that had set the scene.

After the comm link to the ready room had been severed, the young Q had turned to him on the lounge asking, not demanding to be touched. Tom had been replaying his love's words of faith over and over in his mind and hadn't registered the quiet request immediately. It was only when he felt fingers stroke his bare shoulder, did he break from his musings and turn.

It was said that the eyes were windows to the soul and when he gazed into the expressive orbs of the man beside him, he understood the adage for the first time. Within the green depths Tom recognized the same emotions that up to two days ago he saw every morning when he looked in the mirror.

In stark contrast to his earlier demeanor, apprehension, vulnerability and desperate want radiated from J. How substantial those soft feelings really were Tom didn't know but the force of them affected him just as profoundly as the hard ones. 

In retrospect his ascribing human emotions to a member of the Continuum had been foolhardy but at the time it had been the only way he knew of coping with what was expected of him. It had been while holding on to those parallels between himself and Chakotay, he had taken the hand from his shoulder and placed it in his own. As long as Tom believed that omnipotent being was just another young heart yearning for the love of an older man, he could forget the virtual knife at his throat.

In quiet submission, J had followed him into the bedroom. It was as if he knew that one sarcastic remark from him would break his fragile self-induced spell. In silence Tom had lovingly kissed the clothing from his body and guided him down on the bed. When they were prone the young Q had opened his mouth to speak but Tom had stopped him with two fingers over his lips.

"Please don't make me remember who you are." He had pleaded.

For the next two hours they had joined together in something that was more than sex but not quite love. Tom had gently taken a body that seemed human, it felt the same, it tasted the same and it responded the same but occasionally it displayed glaring reminders that it wasn't.

Lube hadn't been necessary for penetration. Tom's cock had slid easily into J's ass and later when their roles had reversed, Tom found himself filled with something that needed no preparation. The young Q's member mimicked his own in appearance but when inside him, felt molten and unsubstantial. He still came as J pushed his liquid heat into him but afterwards felt as if he had never been entered. There was no sweet burn of having been fucked to savour afterwards. 

His new lover's ejaculation had been alien too. Instead of a sticky issue, only wispy tendrils of light that had twisted momentarily around his fingers as he pumped him in time with his thrusts erupted from the head of his penis. Tom had tried not to think what that phosphorescent outpouring had done to his insides later when J had screamed into him.

When it was over they had held each other. Nestled in his arms J had showered his neck and face with light kisses while Tom had stared into nothingness and tried to come to terms with the weirdest afterglow of his life.

It had been like fucking a ghost. He felt haunted and cold. Even as J's sweating body warmed him, it didn't permeate the unsettling chill in his core. Without being able to put his finger on it, Tom knew he had been changed. When he tried to question J about it, the fawning man mumbled about advantages and then had vanished in a flash leaving him alone in the dark with his dread.

Thinking a hot shower would help, he crawled from the bed and stumbled for the bathroom. Half way to his destination a wave of nausea rose in throat and he sprinted the rest of trek barely making it to the toilet before he lost his gorge. After throwing up the contents of his stomach he curled into a ball and held his aching sides. Laying a cheek flush to the floor, he breathed deeply through his mouth and let the cold tiled surface refresh him. When his shivering began to return he hauled himself up into the shower.

Standing in the hottest stream of water the computer would allow, Tom washed himself inside as well out. Performing the routine task helped calm his nerves and order his thoughts. 

The experience was over but it wasn't done. The bed sheets had to be recycled not refreshed and he wanted to see Chakotay. Tom had no intention of discussing with the older man what he had endured tonight. The knowledge would serve no purpose. He just needed the purity of his touch to wash away the dirt soap couldn't reach and then it truly would be finished.

Turning off the water, he stepped from the shower and grabbed a towel from the rack. Drying himself and checking his body for marks, Tom avoided the honesty of the vanity mirror and headed back out to the bedroom to strip the bed. After new sheets covered the mattress, he dressed in a fresh uniform and went in search of Chakotay. It was two in the morning but Tom had a pretty good hunch his fiancé would be awake.

Entering the living room he nearly tripped over his jeans in his rush for the exit. Quickly he gathered up his civvies and threw the last of tonight's evidence into the recycler before heading out the door. When the panels slid open he almost fell again over a much larger obstruction blocking the passage.

"Chak!"

********

Nothing is truly random.

Our destiny is set the moment we are born. What is meant to be, is and what is foretold will be. What happens in between is fate and beyond our control. 

His grandfather had said those obscure words to him as child and now that he was a man in his forties he still didn't understand them but he did grasp their essence.

Tom Paris was meant to be his and nothing could change that. The fact that a Q wanted him too did not affect his budding feelings for the pilot. He had known that truth the moment he had heard Tom cry his name in orgasm. Although they had not been together it was he the younger man had called for. His lifemate reacted naturally and as to be expected to the physical stimuli the demon spawn had created but it was his spirit he had reached out to. Even through his anger with the Continuum for letting such a travesty happen Chakotay was comforted that Tom remained true to him.

However knowing that, he was not naive enough to believe that the events of this evening had not altered their relationship. Chakotay didn't need to hear threats to know that the man who had trembled with desire mere hours ago in his arms had been coerced. Tom was a victim of rape and would require counseling. They both would.

Stretching out his right leg, he flexed his knee and then recrossed his legs. If the pilot didn't emerge soon, he would also need physiotherapy. He was much too old to be sitting on a cold hard floor for two hours. Besides his stiffening legs, his butt ached and not in the way he hoped it would when his long ago date had started. Chakotay drifted back in time partly to take his mind off his aches and pains but also to distract him from what was happening behind the closed door he sat in front of.

He was in the midst of reliving the sweet taste of the man who had agreed to his proposal when his backrest disappeared and he heard a cry from behind.

"Chak!"

Defying space and time in his own way, Chakotay quickly rose to feet and swooped his lifemate up into his arms. A flash of gold caught his eye as the younger man fell into him and cried into his shoulder.

"I'm here." He cooed into the pilot's ear as he rubbed his back as he would a frightened child. "You're safe now."

In the vacant corridor, he held the weeping man in revelation and guilty relief. He could have shouted out his vow of fealty to the whole universe and it would have stood by it but it would have meant nothing if he been unable to touch the young heart in his arms. Chakotay hugged Tom tighter and petted his damp hair.

While quoting his high ideals to himself there had been a part of him that wondered if he could follow through. That when it came right down to it, he would no longer desire the man he had chosen to spend the rest of his life with. However as the pilot's long lean body clung to his, feelings of fierce protectiveness along with simmering arousal coursed through his veins. Tom may have been touched by evil but he was not desecrated.

"Do you still want me?" Said a timid voice. 

"Yes."

"I'm different now." Tom whispered hiding his face in his shoulder.

"Yes, you're more precious."

"Precious?"

The pilot lifted his head and treated Chakotay to a bright smile. It wasn't the only thing that was bright.

"Spirits."

Tom's grin disappeared and he paled. "What's wrong?"

Ever so gently, Chakotay raised his hands and brushed the hair around the pilot's temples. Intermingled with the fine strands of ash-blond were wisps of white gold. There weren't a lot of the golden filaments, just enough to give the younger man a dusting around his ears. When he cocked his head in question, they glittered in the low light of the hallway. It was really quite beautiful.

"Nothing bad baby." Chakotay brought his hands back down. "Have you looked in the mirror Tom?"

"I know what I look like." He replied evasively.

"Come with me." Deciding it would be easier to show the younger man he tried to lead him back into his quarters. Tom balked.

"No, can we go to your place?"

"If you want."

"I do."

Understanding, Chakotay grasped his destiny by the hand and took him home.

*******

"So what do you think?"

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Tom stopped playing with the soft hair at his temples and looked up as Chakotay emerged from the bathroom.

"I like it." He said truthfully. He had never understood why the commander had darkened his hair in the first place. The salt and pepper look he had his first year on Voyager had given Chakotay a mature dignity that Tom had found sexy in a Sean Connery kind of way. He would have told him that if the commander had been more of a film buff.

"Feel better?" Chak sat down beside him.

"Yeah. Sorry I freaked earlier."

"Don't be. It was my fault. I should have known better than to just throw you in front of mirror without preparing you."

To say he'd been shocked when he saw his new hair colour would be putting it mildly. Shit, he had screamed like a girl when he'd seen his reflection. Chakotay had held him as he blurted out all his worries about looking different and how the hell was he going to explain it to the crew without telling them about Q. 

After telling him that it was none of their business, they had tried to dye his hair with no avail. The stubborn strands refused to cooperate and almost seemed to glow brighter in defiance. In the end it had been Chakotay's suggestion that they leave it and to take the focus off of him, he would let his own hair go back to its original colour. He had almost cried at the big man's thoughtfulness.

Tom smiled and ran his fingers through Chakotay's new do. "Yeah but you'd made up for it in spades my silver haired fox."

"I'd prefer wolf, my beautiful golden boy."

"Beautiful?" Tom let his hands trail down the sides of the commander's face, along his neck and down over the front of his shirt. Chakotay's chest started to heave through the black shirt he was still wearing from their date.

It warmed him that the older man hadn't taken the time to change just like it had when he found him standing vigil at his door and then there was thing with the hair. Chakotay may not love him but it was obvious he cared. It was a good normal feeling and after the night he'd had, one he wanted to expand on. 

"Yes." The commander gasped as the heels of Tom's hands found his nipples. 

"Show me how beautiful." Tom nipped at his neck. "Fuck me Chakotay."

"I'm, I'm not sure that's wise. You've been through a lot tonight and we should get to you to Sickbay to make sure you're alright."

"I'm fine. It's over." A thought struck him and he pulled back. "Unless you don't want me that way any more."

Instantly, he was engulfed by strong arms. "I want you. You belong to me and nothing that's happened has changed that. I will marry you, tomorrow if you want but you 'were' assaulted and, and…"

"It didn't hurt." Which was true. "I'm OK." Which probably wasn't but that was something he didn't want to think about. When he wanted to be, Tom could be real good at denial. Just ask the families of the friends he killed at Caldik Prime.

"You can't know what being with a Q did to you. Did he come inside you Tom?"

"No." Lie number two. One more and he was out.

"But you were in him, right?"

"I don't want to talk about this Chak, later maybe but not now. Right now I want to finish our date. I want to feel your lips on mine and your hands on my body. I need your care more than I do the Doc's."

"I don't know," 

Tom cut off any further protests with his lips. He was done with talking. It was time to forget and get on with his life and this sensitive handsome man was it. He was everything.

Grabbing the tops of Chakotay's shoulders, he pushed him back down on the bed. The older man fought him briefly until Tom began to fuck his mouth with his tongue. The commander moaned and flipped him pulling his arms up over his head. Suddenly it was the bulkhead in the hallway all over again as the man above him devoured him with his mouth and ground against him with his hips.

"Tell me you want me Tom Paris." Chakotay growled then cupped his balls.

"I want you." Tom cried as his lover squeezed gently.

"I'd like to feel you inside me. Can you do that Tom? Can you fuck me?"

Tom blinked. "Me take you?"

"Yes for tonight, I think it would be best for you to be the dominant one."

Chakotay's request was unexpected but he understood it. His lover was trying to restore the sense of control that had been stripped from him earlier. Even quivering with the desire he was putting him first. Tom supposed he should expect no less from the man who was also the ship's unofficial counselor.

"Yes Chak, I'll fuck you." He conceded.

"Good." His lover responded with such a deep sigh of desire that was anything but professional leading Tom to believe that maybe he wasn't doing this just for him. It didn't mean that he didn't care any less but it was revealing.

Being a bottom was what Chakotay preferred normally.

********

"Harder Tom!"

Chakotay wrapped his legs around the long slim torso of his lover and lifted ass up further into his punishing strokes. Sweating and glowing wonderfully Tom pounded harder but the exertion took its toll on the younger man. He was starting to come.

Quickly grabbing his cock, he brought himself to orgasm while watching Tom pump his into him. The sight of his lean body moving between his thighs was so beautifully erotic he came powerfully in just a few strokes. Tom cried out in pleasure when he felt his tightened anal muscles and toppled forward. Chakotay relaxed his legs and caught Tom in his arms. The young man's softening penis slipped deliciously from him as he fell.

"Thank you." He heard mumbled into his ear and then even breathing. Kissing the top of his sleeping lover's head, he twisted back and grabbed the covers from the floor pulling them over their sticky bodies.

Pulling Tom closer to him, he wondered if what he just done was the right thing. It had felt like it. Oh spirits had it but perhaps he should have not touched him at all. In spite of his words of protest, all was not well with Tom but unfortunately through his desire for his lifemate he hadn't been listening as close as he should.

He wanted children with this man, yes and he wanted a future but most of all he had wanted to feel his power between his legs. To tremble at his touch and beg for his strength had been the only things that had mattered when Tom had pushed him down on the bed. Chakotay had even used psychological pressure to get the younger man to take him but now afterwards it was that same science that punished him. 

He ran a finger over the soft golden hairs at Tom's temple. He was so different. A strange combination of strength and vulnerability that Chakotay had never encountered before shone from him brighter than the souvenirs Q had left him. All at once he wanted to be his champion and his conquest. The feeling was unfamiliar and left him unsettled. Kissing the brow of his sweet torture, he closed his eyes and wondered.

Was this what it was like to be in love?


********

Plan 9 From Outer Space?

What the hell was that about? Chakotay flipped the small vid disc between his fingers and looked at the picture on the back of case. It didn't help. Selecting a few more ubiquitous titles from the shelf, he tossed them on top of Tom's clothes and then the closed the rucksack. 

Packing the vids had been an afterthought. Along with some other miscellaneous items, like his pool stick and a picture of Harry, Chakotay thought they would make Tom feel more at home in his quarters. It was going to be eventually and since the younger man had no desire to return here, he might as well start moving him in. 

The urge to call B'Elanna and have the rest beamed directly to his quarters was strong but it wouldn't be very romantic so he resisted. He was in no rush to let Tom think he was a fumbling brute with a caveman mentality. Seeing those sparkling eyes light up when he'd done something thoughtful was preferable and quickly becoming addictive. He'd come back tomorrow during his lunch break for what he missed and besides, he didn't have time to loiter because Tom would be waiting with dinner at home.

Tom and home. The words went well together. Not that he knew they wouldn't, he had after all made a careful analysis of the pairing prior but because the pilot had not met his original specs to fulfillment, he had expected more problems. When he had decided to share his life with a male partner it had not been without hesitation.

The loss of sharing the development then birth of their future children had been difficult. He would not experience that happiness with Tom. Male pregnancies were risky even in this day of medical wonders and often lead to serious complications for the host. It was not an option and with other alternatives like surrogate mothers available, one he had accepted without qualms. What had bothered him more although he had refused to acknowledge it that night alone in his bedroom, was the absence of clearly defined sexual roles in a gender same marriage.

With a woman there wasn't anything to discuss. While both partners could be the aggressor when it came to initiating sex, ultimately as the man when he released his seed, he would be the one giving. It was a physicality that was not debatable and as a result acceptable to him but not preferable. Chakotay enjoyed being fucked by men.

The beauty of offering himself up to someone, to feel his strength pour into him and meld with his own was the ultimate high. Outside the bedroom it wasn't necessary for his lover to be powerful man, sometimes it was more of a kick if they weren't, but when they pumped their essence into him and fed his might, they became one. They both did. He truly believed that it made him a better commander and a leader but had not been so sure his future husband would understand. Chakotay was not your average bottom and Tom was a classic.

The younger beautiful man had an ass that all but yelled to be taken. Tom, while strong willed and confident when he performed his duties and partied with his friends, had expected to play the role of the submissive when they were in bed. He had asked to be fucked and been surprised when Chakotay had selfishly suggested otherwise. It had been a telling moment.

If Tom had refused him, it may have complicated their future sexual relationship because when it came right down to it, Chakotay could not see himself with a man that would not want him that way. In the past other male lovers that had been unable to see beyond his authority long enough to take him had quickly been discarded.

One night wasn't a fair test he knew, especially after what Tom had endured and he would not have changed his mind about the marriage if he had said no. The younger man was his forever and he accepted that, but it would have meant a difficult adjustment period until they sorted out what worked best. It was a change of paradigm that he was fully prepared to deal with but was relieved wasn't necessary. He had known that for sure earlier in the day when Tom's morning erection had slipped between his butt cheeks demanding entrance.

He'd been half awake waiting for the alarm to go off when soft kisses assailed the back of his neck and a hard dick his behind.

"You like it this way, don't you?"

"Yes, I always have." He had replied over his shoulder.

"I do too, so I understand." Tom pulled back, fumbled with something a moment and then returned. Now the stiff member slid easily between his upper thighs and under his balls. Chakotay had quivered with anticipation as his lover pumped lazily but had waited passively and remained on his side facing away him. "It's a position of power and control."

"You think so Tom?"

"Yeah. You made me come last night Chak. You chose the moment and then bam!" The pilot's hips had shot upwards with the expletive breaching his anus with the crest of his cock. Chakotay had to bite his bottom lip to prevent crying out in pleasure. He didn't want to chance Tom's misinterpretation of his outburst and have him stop this sweet slow seduction.

"Yes but I didn't mean, oh, oh," The sentence had remained unfinished when the pilot started to fill him slowly. 

"What's that Chak?" A gentle hand had moved down his thigh to lift his leg. "You didn't mean to push me over the edge?" The voice of his lover had teased.

By now Tom was leaning into him forcing his torso to twist into the mattress. When he had begun pumping, Chakotay's face was mashed into his pillow with each thrust.

"I think you did Chak. I think you knew exactly how hard to drive me and when it was time for me to come." 

The younger man at this point had been fucking him mercilessly, rubbing his engorge penis pleasurably into the bunched covers so he couldn't answer. Chakotay had been amazed that Tom could still speak and had blamed it on youth.

"But it was OK because I liked it, oh, oh fuck, I liked it a lot." Finally Tom had begun to sound winded. "Oh man Chak, oh, oh yeah. Do it again. Oh shit, take control and make me come!"

It had been a mute point because Tom's orgasm had already been rocketing from his body into his. All Chakotay had done let go his own release and let his body's natural responses milk the cock in his ass. His lover's screams of ecstasy had drowned out the alarm when it had gone off and it hadn't been until Tom had collapsed beside him did he hear the insistent beeping. It had been the best wake up call of his life.

Taking one final look about the place, Chakotay slung the bag over his shoulder and picked up the leather case that held the cue. 

He was getting hungry and it had nothing to do with food.

********

"If it isn't one of the Glimmer Twins."

Tom stopped and looked at his hand before it reached his temple. He quickly tucked it into a pocket of his jeans. "Very funny Har. Now move you elbows. You're messing up the tablecloth."

"Oh sorry." His best friend lifted his arms from the Venetian lace in mock apology. "Maybe I should have said Suzy Homemaker."

"Yeah and maybe I should haul your ass outta here." Tom replied half serious. With Chakotay due home soon, it was an inconvenient time for the ensign to drop by.

"Oh no. Not before I get all the juicy details."

"There's nothing to tell." Only everything, Tom finished in his head feeling a little reticent. 

Normally he and Harry shared their sexual conquests, dissecting the bad parts and raving about the good. However with Chakotay, he hesitated. His relationship with the commander was intensely personal and not open for casual discussion even with his best friend. Well not the 'details' anyway.

Tom was not about to tell his friend that Voyager's first officer was the best fucking bottom he ever had or that when he let his hair go gray just to make him feel better, he had fallen in love with the older man all over again but he could mention how good Chak made him feel. He was dying to tell someone.

"Oh pleeease! Everyone saw you together last night and those smoldering looks you've been exchanging have been burning up the bridge all day. You can't tell me that's nothing."

"No you're right, it isn't." Tom admitted. "He is pretty hot isn't he?" 

"Chakotay? Yeah sure I guess so."

"Oh come Harry. The guy's one hundred percent pure hunk."

"So it's serious?"

Tom sat down at a table loaded with every conceivable vegan dish he knew how to make and looked across at his friend. 

"Yeah. I'm marrying him."

"Why didn't you tell me that last night?"

"Last night? I didn't even see you Har."

In a blinding flash his best friend was transformed.

"No Tom. I think you saw me like no one ever has before."

"Oh fuck no. I can't do this." Tom shot up from his chair knocking it backwards. He headed for the exit but as he neared the doors, they blinked out and he was standing in the middle of the living room.

"I don't want you to leave just yet." J turned around the chair he'd been sitting in the guise of Harry and gazed up at him with big expressive eyes. Like grav-boots the adoration Tom saw in those green orbs held him in place.

"Fine then you leave."

The young Q ignored his comment. "Did you know that on Deneb V they would erect a statue and worship someone as beautiful as you?"

"What?" Confusion outweighed his fear.

"And if you were a Castilian amoeba your strength would wipe out the strain that has been present for a millennia and create a new one?" J lifted from his seat and strode up to him. Gently he brushed the golden hair at his temples as he spoke in a whisper. "Or if you were a feather on Earth you would reside in the soft down of an Eider goose?"

Was this Continuum love poetry? If so, besides being really bad, it was unwanted. Tom stepped backed from the love struck omnipotent being's fawning touch.

"Stop it J. I'm not a rock, a single celled life form or a duck."

"No you're the man who made love to me last night." He cooed. "I love you too Tom."

Oh fuck this was bad. How do you dump a god with a crush? Having no other similar experience to draw from, Tom remembered the time he had to tell Gerron it was over after a night of hard fucking and hope the young Q wouldn't airlock him.

"It was just sex J. It was good but that's all it really was. There was no love."

"I don't believe you." A pout reminiscent of the older more arrogant Q, formed on his lips. "It meant more than that. You couldn't touch me like that and not love me."

At another time Tom might have taken pride in his sexual prowess but now was not the time for preening. He was in big time trouble here and way over his head. J wasn't going to walk away with a dejected look and accepted his rejection like Tem had. Panic was beginning to take hold of him again.

"Let me take you away from Voyager Tom. If you want, I could take you home."

"Away from Chakotay?" His fear said without thinking.

"Yes! Away from him! He doesn't love you. All that mindless oaf wants you for is to be a vessel for his prodigy. A fucking broodmare!"

Forgetting the handsome man spouting off in front of him squashed planets in his spare time, Tom grabbed him by the front of his shirt. It was stupid but so was dissing his future husband.

"I told you not to call him that!" Tom let go and pushed him away. "And you're wrong. Chak wouldn't put me through that. It's too dangerous and even if he doesn't love me, he cares."

"You're wrong Helmboy." A cold green fire ignited his alien eyes. "I think Tonto would be happier than spit to get you knocked up. It is after all why he proposed to you, isn't it? To start his own tribe here on Voyager?"

"How do you know that?"

J laughed. "I'm a Q remember? I know everything. I also know that if the baby survives and you don't, he can move on to the one he really wants, all set with a ready made family."

"Who?" Tom didn't know why he was asking. It was all bullshit anyway.

"Aunt Kathy. She likes children just not having them."

"No. You're just saying that because I hurt you."

"You presume too much Helmboy. I," The angry brilliance in his inhuman eyes dimmed briefly. "I don't need you. I'm a Q. We don't need anybody. Least of all some one from a species we use in the Continuum as benchmark for futility."

"Whatever. It's still not going to happen and even if you don't believe Chak wouldn't do that to me, there are others that wouldn't let him inseminate me. So your point is mute."

"Are you saying I'm wrong?"

"You're so fucking wrong that if you were in the right lane you'd still be going backwards."

"We'll see."

Before he could come up with a really nasty rebuttal, J grabbed both sides of his face, kissed him savagely and then flashed out. Standing alone in the middle of his lover's living room with his mouth tingling, Tom seethed.

Fuck but did he hate when he did that.

********

"Did you try dying your hair again?"

"No why?" Tom quickly pulled his fingers away from the golden hair behind his left ear. Chakotay wondered if the younger man consciously realized how much he played with his new locks. 

"It looks brighter. That's all."

"Must be the candlelight." Tom quickly changed the subject and Chakotay let him. "Do you like dinner?"

"Dinner? Feast is more like it. I don't think I've ever seen so many fruits and vegetables in one place before."

"Well I didn't know what you'd like." Nervously his lifemate began to twist the hair at his temple again. "I didn't want to disappoint you."

"You didn't." He reached towards the worried face and tenderly pried the busy fingers from their task, placing them between his palms. "I don't think you could if you tried."

"You mean that?"

"Yes. You're a pleasant surprise Tom Paris."

"Chak can I ask you something?"

"Anything my sweet golden boy." He kissed the back his hand.

"Was I your first choice?"

Oh spirits, how did he answer that one with out hurting the vulnerable man's feelings? Tom was strong in a lot of ways Chakotay was learning, but this was not one of them. He could survive a heinous rape, make love that same night and get up for work the next day but had a self-image as fragile as glass. 

"After a fashion, yes." He replied carefully trying to keep to the truth as much as possible. 

"Does that mean you settled?"

"No, it means there were advantages and disadvantages to be considered before I asked you to be my lifemate. There were others but they were unsuitable."

"Women you mean, right?"

"Tom if this is about sexual preference, let me stop you right there. I enjoy having sex with you very much."

"Yeah but you can't get me pregnant. Doesn't that bother you?"

"Honestly? A little, but any regret I might feel is totally blocked out by how wonderful you make me feel. I wouldn't trade that for anything. We can have children, when you're ready, another way."

"Really?"

Chakotay smiled at him. "Really, really. Now why don't we finish dinner? You haven't eaten a bite."

"I'm not hungry."

"Are you feeling ill?" Now that he looked, Tom did appear paler than he had this morning or on the bridge.

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You haven't been to Sickbay yet, have you?"

"Can I ask you another question Chak?"

"Tom…" Now the younger man wasn't just changing the subject, he was avoiding it.

"Will you take me tonight?" The golden blond left his chair and fell between legs. His long fingers ran up and down the insides of his thighs as he purred seductively. "I promise I'll make you come."

"I've no doubt of that but perhaps you should eat something first." Chakotay tweaked the nymph at his feet nose. "I don't want you passing out before I do."

"I won't." He replied with a cheeky smile and then rose climbing his way up his body. When he reached the top he settled his lanky body into his lap and kissed him softly.

His lips were warm summer breezes and he smelled of sunshine. Chakotay forgot his dinner and pulled his own little piece of paradise to him. With each taste of his sweetness he counted himself fortunate that this amazing man wanted him. 

What would he have done if Tom had said no to him in Sandrine's? Would he have left it at that or would he have pursued him? Watching him now as he slipped from his clothing with careful seduction, Chakotay hoped he would have sense enough to chase this extraordinary man. Removing his own uniform he wondered why he hadn't the first time he had heard his teasing laugh or seen his impish smile all those years ago in the Maquis. Perhaps it had been a case of misplaced priorities but as it was, all was right now and he thanked the spirits for his unexpected treasure.

"Grab the poi and come here my big silver wolf." His lover called as he as made a nest of their discarded clothes. Chakotay looked down at the big beautiful man sprawled on his living room floor. He looked good, but would look better on something a little more yielding and gentler on his knees.

"Wouldn't you prefer the bed and some nice heated oil?"

"No, if we go in the bedroom, I'll want to make love to you."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"Oh no but right now I want to be possessed and claimed as yours. So get your brown ass down here and fuck me like an animal Chakotay."

Sticking to the wildlife theme, Tom stretched his long limbs and growled low in throat like a big cat in heat. The feline arch of his back was incredibly erotic and woke the raging beast within him. 

Thinking he just found the true purpose of analgesics, Chakotay fetched the small bowl of poi from the dining room table and zeroed in on his prey.

********

He was being eaten alive and loving every minute of it.

Chakotay grunted and growled as he devoured his quivering flesh in a mindless frenzy. Sharp teeth nipped at his throat and shoulders as nails scraped down his sides leaving long red welts. Tom bucked and twisted under his feral assault egging him on with pleas of more.

He needed this. To feel his mate's pure unadulterated lust etched physically on his body marked him deeper than mere words. Every bite and scratch on his skin confirmed his ownership, if not the big man's love but it didn't matter. He knew he belonged to Chakotay and that was enough. Tom had plenty of love for both of them.

"Turn over." His lover demanded as he roughly kneaded his hipbones and jabbed a hard dick into his thigh.

Strong hands flipped him before he had a chance to move of his own violation. Immediately, sharp teeth latched back on to his neck and snapped at his shoulder. Chakotay wasn't biting hard enough to break the skin but there would be bruises to touch and admire later. A slap on his ass broke his revelry.

"Mine." Chakotay murmured as he rubbed his stinging bottom with the flat of his hand.

"Yes, forever." Tom responded as he lifted his hips and spread his legs open to his lover's rough caress.

The pungent aroma of ground tara root filled his nostrils as a finger slick with the purple honey like substance invaded his anus. Tom could feel his lover's urgency through the trembling digit. Chakotay was having a hard time holding back and given his heightened state of arousal would probably prefer just to ram his way inside with his cock. Pre-come seeped from his own member at the tantalizing thought.

"Fuck me!" He screamed back over his shoulder as a second finger stretched him. Shit if he didn't get that thick cock into him soon he was going to blow his load just thinking about it.

The fingers left swiftly and moved to his hips. Panting and sweating Chakotay inched into him with short strokes. When the bulbous head of his penis brushed against his prostate, Tom couldn't take anymore and squeezed his internal muscles as tight as he could muster. The reaction from his lover was instantaneous.

With a roar, Chakotay slammed the full of his penis into his butt and began rocking his hips. Oh yes Tom though as the commander humped him brutally from behind, this was what it felt like to be fucked. He would feel a delicious aching in his ass for days.

Proving he hadn't gone totally feral, Tom felt his lover's hand stroke his dribbling erection into a spurting fountain. It was only as he went blind with pleasure did he feel the older man fall over his back and shoot his orgasm deep within his bowels in a few last grunting thrusts. 

Feeling full and wonderfully sore, Tom lowered them both to their sides. Behind him, his lover kissed his neck as he caressed his bruised flanks with a broad warm palm.

"I can't believe your mine." Chakotay whispered sleepily.

"Believe it my big bad wolf."

"Why?" It was the last thing his lover said before he drifted off into slumber. Not caring that the older man was beyond hearing, Tom voiced what he had waited seven years to say.

"Because I love you."

*******

Am I in love? And if I am, do I want to be?

In the last few months with Tom in his home Chakotay had asked himself those questions often and during his rare alone times, he had tentatively answered them.

"Mind if I join you?"

Chakotay pulled a chair out for his captain and friend. "Please."

"I see we're watching the Tom and Harry show again." She nodded over to the pool table where the two men were playing.

"Yes, starring the indomitable Lieutenant Paris."

"How many times has he won?"

"Twice but I think he's about to lose this one."

"Because Harry's winning?"

"No, because Harry's his friend."

They sat in companionable silence and watched Ensign Kim's triumph. It would be short lived Chakotay mused as he watched Tom racking up the balls for another game. His lover caught him watching and winked. The simple gesture warmed his cheeks.

"Are you blushing? Oh my god you are."

"No I'm not. I'm too old for such nonsense."

"And you're also too old to stay up all night watching a Star Wars marathon on the holodeck but you did that."

"Yes but for anthropological reasons only. Tom wanted me to see what 20th century filmmakers thought the future would be like."

"Bullshit. You went because you wanted to cuddle in the dark for sixteen hours with your boyfriend."

"That too." He smiled into his half empty beer remembering that they had done a bit more than cuddle that long night. He thanked the spirits that Tom had the foresight to get extra napkins with their popcorn.

At that moment a waitress approached their table and dropped another mug in front of him. He looked up questionly.

"From the blond gentleman." The hologram nodded towards the billiards table where Tom was smiling broadly.

"I think someone's trying to get you drunk so he can take advantage of you." Kathryn chuckled beside him.

"It isn't necessary."

His friend cocked an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

Chakotay blushed again and cursed his adolescent reaction. It was getting really annoying especially when it happened in public.

When he was alone with Tom it was only slightly embarrassing and not so noticeable. His skin tone was usually already flushed either from the exertion of lovemaking or from laughing at the younger man's quick wit. Home was a happy place for Chakotay.

"He hasn't been sleeping on the couch for the last seven weeks." He replied to his inquisitive friend trying to turn the tables.

"I certainly hope not. That would be a terrible waste of all that useful beauty."

Chakotay was shocked by his captain's remark. All of people she should know the pilot's worth went beyond his looks.

"Tom's more than blue eyes and golden hair Kathryn. He's kind, he's funny and he's smart." As he said the words he realized by her half smile that he wasn't telling her anything she didn't know. Kathryn had only been looking for opening and he had unwittingly given her one.

"And he's also still single. Why is that?" Her countenance darkened as she reached over and squeezed his hand. "Please tell me it isn't because of what happened with Q."

"Don't worry Kathryn, that experience only strengthened my resolve to marry him. Tom's actions made very proud that he belonged to me."

"Then what's the hold up?"

"He hasn't mentioned the wedding lately. I suppose I'm waiting on him to bring it up."

"Oh I see. It isn't so easy now is it?" She sat back in her chair and folded her arms.

"I don't understand."

"It's not a case of being lonely and you impassively deciding that the tall blond that flies the ship might be fun company anymore is it? Now you're head over heels and realizing that the stakes are higher and whether or not he marries you, isn't up to you. You're scared shitless that if you ask him again you won't be able to handle it if he says no."

"He's already said yes."

"Yes but not as you said, lately."

She was right, about everything. The tall willowy man with the locks of gold was the most important thing in his life and he was afraid of finding out that that this gilded angel didn't care as deeply as he did. Tom made love to him every day but he had never said he was 'in love' with him, not once. 

As it was, things were good between them but if he pushed the issue of marriage that might change. This second time around was different because now it had more to do with feelings and love hadn't part of the original bargain the younger man had agreed to.

"I do love him. He knows all my secrets and accepts them. Nobody's ever done that."

"I know Chakotay."

"Then you know I can't lose him. Have you ever been in a relationship where one person loves more than the other? It's unequal Kathryn and it doesn't work."

"You're right but I don't think that's what happening here. Look at him Chakotay." He did, and Tom peered up from his shot and smiled. "See that? A room full of people are watching him but your eyes are the only ones he feels."

Could it be that Tom loved him too? Chakotay continued to stare at him and the pilot's smile faded. After finishing his shot and speaking to Harry, he walked over to the table.

"Ma'am." He nodded to Kathryn and then leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Are you OK Chak?"

"Yes I think I am."

"Really? If you want, we can go home and Neelix can finish my game. I'm up four balls, so I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"No, go finish your game." He kissed a pale cheek. "I can wait."

Tom brought his face around. "OK my sexy silver wolf." He replied and then kissed his lips. It was lingering touch full of promise. The pilot winked once and then returned to Harry. When he was out of earshot, the captain spoke.

"Damn that was sweet. I swear Chakotay if you don't ask him again to marry you soon, I will."

Now all of his questions were answered. He loved Tom and it was what he wanted because incredibly the blue eye beauty loved him back.

"Tomorrow Kathryn. I'll do it tomorrow."

********

He'd been sick again this morning and this time he'd almost been caught.

No sooner had he flushed the toilet and wiped his face, Chakotay had knocked on the bathroom door asking if he was all right. After quickly eating some toothpaste right out of the tube, he had let the older man in and pleaded perfect health. Thankfully this time his lover had believed him but Tom doubted he would if it happened again. 

Chakotay already commented occasionally about his paleness and his weak appetite so he wouldn't be fooled forever. He hated lying to him and besides the nuisance of feeling ill all the time, that's why he was here. What ever was wrong with him, he was sure the Doc could fix it. The hologram had been briefed about his encounter of the Q kind the morning after it happened.

"It's about time you showed up for a physical Mr Paris." 

"I've been busy."

"Too busy for your health?"

"Look Doc can we just get on with it."

"Fine Mr Paris. Please lay back on the bio-bed."

As soon as Tom did as he was told, the hologram ran a medical scanner over him.

"Mmmm. This is interesting. Tell me, have you been experiencing bouts of nausea and dizziness?"

"Well I've been throwing up a lot but the dizziness hasn't been too bad. But I have a sit down job, so maybe I haven't noticed."

"Of course not, you've been too busy."

"Very funny. So what's wrong Doc?"

"It seems Mr Paris you are in now in possession of a new organ, a Bynar one to be exact."

"Bi who?"

"The Bynar are a unisex species from the Alpha quadrant that self procreate."

"Fascinating. Now can you remove it?"

"Not at the moment. It seems to be in use."

"Doing what!"

"Gestating your child."

"My, my, oh fuck. That little bastard!"

"Mr Paris!"

"Sorry Doc. Can you still take it out?"

"It's not that simple. You have an organ of a unknown origin,"

"I know where it came from."

"The Continuum, yes that's very likely however as I was saying, it's an anomaly and as such I no frame of reference to its operation. Removing it may kill you."

"But letting stay and letting it do its thing might kill me too."

"I don't know that either Mr Paris."

"Well I do. It's revenge for saying no. Insult to injury if you like. Doc, J wants the baby to kill me. Not right away mind you. He'll let me live long enough to see Chakotay fall in love with it and then turn to the captain."

"You're being melodramatic Lieutenant. From what I can tell, both you and the child are healthy."

"Then why do I feel like shit all the time?"

"You're body is adjusting the Bynar hormones the womb is exuding. I can give you an injection to counteract that. You'll be fine in a couple of days."

"I'm never going to fine. You have to beam it out."

"I think you should speak to the commander first. He is your fiancé."

"And tell him what? I got knocked up by a Q."

"I didn't say Q was the father. Other than Bynar, I'm not reading any foreign DNA in your system. The child could be Chakotay's."

"But you don't know for sure?"

"No. I can't scan the womb with that much detail. My instruments are effective but only to a point. I would need a sample of your amniotic fluid to confirm the infant's paternity. And before you ask, the answer is no. I'm not going to perform the procedure."

"Because it might harm the child? So what."

"You don't mean that Mr Paris. Speak to Chakotay. I'm sure he'll give you a better perspective on this."

"Why?"

"The commander likes children Mr Paris. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to hear you're having one."

The word 'broodmare' came quickly to mind.

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of."

*******

"Damn!"

Chakotay dropped the match and sucked his fingers. Making a room look romantic with open flames was dangerous business and if Tom didn't like candlelight so much, he probably wouldn't have taken the risk. It was good thing the rug and the furniture was flame retardant. He blew on his reddened fingertips and winced. Too bad his skin wasn't.

"Computer play Paris selection Alpha Oasis Three."

Immediately the soulful sounds of a band Tom called one of the wonders of the twentieth century softly filled the dimly lit room. Perfect and now for the food.

He inspected the smorgasbord of gastric delights he had replicated. All the younger man's favorites, from plain tomato soup to honey roasted nuts were laid out on the dining room table. On an after thought Chakotay had added poi but that was mostly for him. With any luck tonight would be a living room night.

If Tom agreed a second time to be his partner, he'd want him beneath him, moaning to be fucked. Unlike the bedroom where most often than not Tom topped him, the living room rug was his domain. Here, he did the claiming and that was sort of theme of this evening. Tonight Chakotay truly planned to take a husband.

He'd been playing absentmindedly with the poi bowl when the door to the cabin slid open.

"Hey Chak."

"Tom, I'm glad you're home. I'd…" The pilot whizzed by him without stopping. "Where are you going?"

"To bed. I'm tired. Nite Chak." He said over his shoulder and disappeared into the bedroom. Dumfounded Chakotay stood by his meticulously prepared buffet and watched the doors slide close.

Now what did he do? Drag the pilot out of bed, tie him to a chair and force him to listen to the speech he'd spent the better part of the day preparing? Yeah right, like that would work. There was nothing like a little coercion to get a person in the mood.

"Computer, kill the music."

Chakotay was picking at the French fries he'd carefully arranged around a double bacon cheeseburger earlier when the bedroom doors reopened. 

"Chak?" Tom stepped over the threshold and gazed around the room as if seeing it for the first time. "Did I miss something?"

"I prepared a celebration." He offered nervously. Now that the pilot was back with him, he admitted to himself that he'd been a little relieved the evening was might have been postponed. He hadn't been in any rush to be turned down. Although he was ninety eight percent sure that Tom wouldn't, it had been the two percent chance that had made him almost grateful for a reprieve.

"Is that pizza?" His lover moved closer to the table.

"Pepperoni with anchovies."

"Oh man Chak, I love anchovies." Tom lifted a piece to his nose and inhaled deeply. "Oh shit."

Dropping the pizza, the younger man threw a hand over his mouth and ran from the room.

Once again Chakotay was stunned by his sudden departure. How was he ever going to proposed if he couldn't get his intended to remain in the same room with him for more than a minute? His resolution back in place, he followed his beloved into the bedroom. When he entered, the room was empty.

"Tom?"

Hearing noises coming from the bathroom he quickly crossed the bedroom to find Tom sitting on the floor in front of the toilet. His eyes were closed and he was as pale as a ghost.

Chakotay kneeled and put a hand to his forehead. It was cold and clammy. "You're sick." 

Tom opened his bleary eyes. "I'm not."

"You are."

"No, I'm not. I'm…" Suddenly the blue eyes lost their focus and Tom dove for the white basin retching. He held him while dry heaves racked his slim form. When the episode had passed, Chakotay eased him back against the bathroom wall and grab a cloth from the sink. Tom took it gratefully and wiped down his face.

"Can you pass me the toothpaste Chak?"

"The toothpaste?"

"Yeah it's about the only thing I've been able to keep down these last few days."

After also getting him some water from the tap, he handed him the tube and then settled down beside him on the floor. Tom flipped the cap, squeezed a healthy amount into his mouth and washed it down with the water.

"Feeling better?"

Tom nodded. "Yeah. Thanks."

"Can you walk? I think a trip to Sickbay is in order."

"Been there, done that."

"When?"

"Today, on my way home from my shift."

"Then why are you still ill?"

"The Doc refused to treat me."

"What? That's crazy."

"Not really. I don't exactly have something he can cure with a shot."

Thoughts of doom raced through Chakotay's mind. If Tom had something the doctor couldn't treat did that mean he was, was, no it couldn't be true. He took the younger man's sweating hand in his.

"What's wrong?" He said somberly prepared for the worse.

Tom's eyes flew open. "Oh fuck Chak I'm not dying if that's what you think."

"But if the doctor can't make you better…"

"I'm pregnant."

"What!"

"Well that's the prognosis anyway."

"How?" He thought a moment and then answered his own question. "It's Q's baby, isn't it?"

"The Doc doesn't know. The womb is Bynar and yeah J probably put it there, but he doesn't know if he's the father."

"J? Who's J?"

"Q Junior. Look Chak it doesn't matter, I'm going to go back to Sickbay tomorrow and have the Doc fix everything."

"What the hell do you mean?" Understanding hit him about the same time as his horror. "You want him to abort the child, don't you?"

"Yes." Tom said softly.

"You can't."

"I can."

"And what about me? Don't I get a say in this?"

"What? You want this monster?"

"Don't call him a monster."

"Oh that's rich coming from the man who rates the members of the Continuum lower than the Cardies bastards that displaced his tribe and stole his planet."

"This is different."

"Yeah so what if it is? Whether or not I have this baby is not up to you! It up to me and I don't want it!"

Tom began crying and pounding his fists into his abdomen. Chakotay grabbed his clenched hands and pulled the hysterical man to his chest. The younger man thrashed a few moments more before wrapping his arms around his neck and snuggling into him. On the hard tiled floor, Chakotay hugged his beloved and thought about the baby.

Did he want it? The unborn child was part Q but it was also part Tom and he loved that part very much. There was also the possibility that he was the father and this J had just created the means for him to impregnate Tom. However that hypothesis wasn't too likely since he wasn't on the Continuum's top ten list of favorite people. Chakotay shook his aching head. 

He needed more information and time to sort all this out. Tomorrow he would speak to the doctor but tonight he would put the beautiful man in his arms to bed and hold him until he felt safe. As he carried Tom in the bedroom, another thought struck him.

Could good come from evil? As he lay his lifemate down on the bed, he made a decision. Yes, it could if you loved the good bad enough.

And Chakotay did.





Go to Part Two